Send me the warmth of a secret smile
to show me you haven’t forgot
that always and ever, now and forever
Honey, little things mean a lot
“Little things mean a Lot,” lyrics by Edith Lindeman
Just how lucky can you get? If, as research tells us, happiness is comprised of many happy moments in a day, it is easy to feel happy in Cape May County in summer.
Mid-June on the marshlands in Cape May, N.J., means that daybreak is nearly as visually stunning as sunset. The marshlands hum with new life: a swallow lights on our cottage deck to rest a bit from his flight over the marshlands. Snowy white egrets fly over 50 shades of deep green grasses that undulate in the summer breeze.
Last weekend I saw 9-year-old (“I am nearly 10!”) granddaughter, Ava, get the sudden inspiration to use her empty water bottle to run down to our dock and search for snails in the muddy low tide of the canal that delights us all with swimming at higher tides.
Ava lay on the dock, searched for treasures, then, finding her sought new pet, reached into the mud and deposited both one tiny mud snail and surrounding mud into the narrow neck of her water bottle.
She jumped up, proud as a new parent, and brought her snail-in-a-bottle up to the “grown-ups,” who were collected in the morning sunshine. “Look, look, I have a new pet!” Asked the name of her new pet, she immediately responded “Bob!”
Hearing the excitement, I stopped cooking breakfast and wondered about the hub-bub on the deck. I saw girls proudly talking to water bottles which had been filled with the murky bay water of low tide.
As I tried to figure out what was attracting them to this messy pastime, I saw them kiss the water bottles as though the gray slime held interest for them.
Curious I went to get a closer view. As soon as they saw me, they got excited. “Grammy, Grammy,” began Ava, “we each caught a snail, so we made them a home in the mud and water bottle in the bottle. Isn’t he great? Look! Bob has actually climbed up the side of the bottle. He really likes it there.”
I had to look carefully to find the snail that had made its home just an inch from the mud in the bottom of the bottle.
OK, all this I can understand, and I am delighted they are having so much fun. But why kiss the bottle?
“Ava, why are you kissing the bottle? “ The murky gray innards looked disgusting to me, and I cannot imagine kissing them through clear plastic, but then, what do I know? I am a grown up, and we are sadly beyond the magic of some of the kids’ summer fun. What a shame for us.
Sara’s ebullience won out over her older, more mature sister as she shouted, “Grammy…we LOOOVE the snails.”
“Do they have names? “ Somehow I knew the answer.
“Yes!” and “my snail is Sally because it begins with ‘S” like my name, and Ava has a boy snail. She named him Bob.”
I decided not to ask how they had determined the genders. They watched their new found friends for some time, then worried that they needed their home and family, and gave them a homecoming by releasing them to the muddy flats, now covered with friendly deep green bay water.
In “The Optimistic Child,” Dr. Martin Seligman reports that skill building can maximize happiness and healthy skill building in our children. Here, three tips for your summer success:
* Create pleasant, creative experiences to build happy memories for you and those you love. Research confirms that building happy times together builds memory banks waiting to be filled with happy, out of the ordinary, summer times.
* Be undaunted by weather. Good news. Despite our natural wish for great weather, research tells us that, if we all believe that summer will bring us fun, this mindset is likely to create pleasant memories. Do enjoy your mindset even when it rains!
* Little things mean a lot. Simply planned moments carry joy a long way. A bike ride, frozen yogurt, crabbing on the dock. So many moments are nearby. A brief and simple experience leaves long term pleasant shared memories.
To Consider: What can I do to build the memory banks for me and those I love this summer? How can I use research on happiness to stockpile items and experiences? Will I be glad I did?
To Read:
Coche, J. Your Best Life: Pathways to Happiness. 2013: Optimal Press.
Seligman, M. The Optimistic Child. 1995, Houghton Mifflin.
Judith Coche, Ph.D. helps individuals, couples and families create optimal lives at The Coche Center, LLC, a Practice in Clinical Psychology at Rittenhouse Square and Stone Harbor. Reach her at www.cochecenter.com.
