Sunday, July 13, 2025

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At the beginning of a new year, and a new decade, what could be more important than learning how to have the happiest marriage in the world, if you are or hope to be married?
As an author, public educator, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in couples and family therapy, I’m fortunate to help couples transform marriages from deeply lonely to deeply satisfying. In doing so, I automatically help make my clients’ children’s lives better. Why?
Children learn from what they live. If a child grows up in an abusive home, it’s likely that they will grow up to abuse or be abused, unless psychotherapy helps relearn abusive interpersonal patterns.
Would you like to improve your intimate partnership in 2020?
Most people would love to improve their love life. If you’re one of them, use the next 10 minutes to rate your relationship from one to five, using this rating system.

  1. Your relationship needs tons of improvement. You hate the thought of breaking up, but find it hard to imagine continuing for decades. It sometimes feels like torture to be with your partner, but you’d hate to leave.
  2. You have experienced joy, and you try to convince yourself that everything is fine, but if you are honest, you must admit that abuse or major disinterest in your partner plagues your days during each month. You stubbornly want your relationship to improve, but cannot invest needed time and money to revamp it.
  3. Your relationship is better than most, but leaves too much to be desired. You think you and your partner could make it better, but you lack the stamina and resources.
  4. The relationship is regularly near bliss for both of you. Your kids are doing OK, you have learned to live with your partner’s foibles, but you would love more passion and more frequent delight.
  5. Your relationship is a wow. You love how you love, and so does your partner. You regularly tell yourself how lucky you are, and you frequently express your appreciation and delight to your partner. Your relationship is one of the great gifts of your life.

Let me guess that many of you scored between two and four. Let me also guess that you cannot imagine a relationship as rewarding as one that would score a five.  If so, you are in great company.
Research tells us that many people remain in a relationship decade after decade because it is barely suitable, but seems better than the complications of breaking up.
ED. NOTE: Dr. Coche practices clinical psychology in Stone Harbor and Philadelphia. She invites responses through her website, www.cochecenter.com.