Happy Father’s Day 2020

This will be the 20th Father’s Day without my dad, and to say that I still miss him would be a grave understatement.
The other night, in a dream, I picked up the phone to call him, and it was during the amazing conversation that I realized I was sleeping and none of this was real. When I woke up, the ache was like brand-new. Time doesn’t heal squat but only reveals how much human beings are truly connected forever.
I was named after my father, and I proceeded to name my first-born son after him also. I adored my dad, and growing up, I seemed to constantly be by his side.
I began working with him at an early age. Whether my mom didn’t want me at home or my dad liked having me there, I spent many more hours with my pop than I did with my mother.
I remember going with him when he worked at Morristown High School, in the 1960s. I got to know all the nuances of that building and discovered many secret passages and behind-the-scenes places in the structure. It was like a personal playground.
I watched my dad closely even then and watched how he interacted with the other men. Everybody seemed to like Dad, and he showed everyone respect.
He had the League of Nations on his staff, so I got to hear many backstories along the way about coming to America and the daily battles about making a home here, and it depended on which worker I happened to be hanging with on any given day. I still remember many of those stories, and I hear them again in the accent of which they were shared with me. I also cherished the times that Dad had a life lesson for me based upon whatever happened along the way. I loved the way that he trusted me with the work he assigned me, and it was always an honor to do what I did just for him.
On the way to and from, we had those father-son talks. Yes, we even had “the birds and the bees” conversation on the way one day. I’d much rather talk about the Mets or the Jets back in those days. Girls weren’t on my radar yet.
It’s because of his example that I made sure that my sons heard about the facts of life from me. They, too, seemed to rather talk about the Mets also.
My point is that there are so many teachable moments in the midst of every day if we just learn to seize them. It seems that technology has hijacked some of those potentially poignant interactions that highlight the pilgrimage of a child’s journey to adulthood.
I drove Dad nuts by playing the radio. While he would occasionally enjoy some of my music, most of the time it was, “I’m going to throw you and the radio out on the road if I have to hear that song again.” Still, I will never forget when my dad brought home Elton John’s “Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player” album for my birthday.
I knew he went out of his way to find that one. To this day, it is one of my favorite records, and tears fall from my eyes at the most random times.
I have also tried to affirm my children’s interests over the years by getting them whatever instrument or gadget they might have desired at the time. I love seeing my kids’ faces, and now grandkids light up when they are bestowed that special gift they were hoping to get, like Ralphie Parker, who got his BB gun from his old man in the perennial classic, “A Christmas Story,” even though his mom thought he would shoot his eye out.
There are some assignments held special that only a father or someone who is a father-like figure can fulfill. This is why I wish more men would pay better attention to what is happening all around them.
Kids who show up to play sports or those at church could use male input into their hearts. Women are amazing and never cease to amaze me with all that they do, but some intangible qualities should best come from a man when it comes to initiation into adulthood.
One of a father’s greatest gifts is ensuring that he sets the right example of what our Heavenly Father is about. Statistics show that many individuals get their perspective of God the Father from the man they called Dad. It is hard to swallow the Bible’s portrayal of a God of love, mercy, grace and justice when an earthly model has been nothing like the Creator.
Nobody is perfect, but dads who are genuine and authentic men of integrity do better at laying the foundation than men who have abandoned their post. Absent, angry, judgmental, abusive and violent men have done little to portray a positive glimpse of the Abba in glory.
It is only too late to make a change if you are dead, but as a minister for almost 40 years, I have seen grown men and women still yearn for nothing more than for their father to say, “I love you.” You would think three words wouldn’t be so impossible for so many to spit out, but there have been too many shipwrecks at the sea of family life because the captain couldn’t put his pride aside to do so.
I only realized last year that with my dad in heaven these past 20 years, it has been something new for me to at times wrestle over the truth of God’s love for me. What used to come easy with my earthly dad here with me has now become slightly more challenging with no one left to play that role in my life. I know intellectually that God loves me, but when wonderful men on earth are used as His servants to remind one another of that reality, life doesn’t have to be so hard or lonely.
I’m 60 years old now, and I will never stop telling my children and grandchildren how much I love them; for next to Jesus and my wife, Terri, I could love no other people more. I will never take for granted what a privilege and honor it is to be a dad and a “Pop-Pop,” so on this Father’s Day, may I remind you how much you are loved, and if you don’t believe me, come spend some time with me and I will remind you. Maybe, I’ll tell you a story about growing up with Pop.
Happy Father’s Day.
ED. NOTE: The author is the senior pastor of The Lighthouse Church, 1248 Route 9 South, Court House.