I love the beach in winter, but on a recent March night, Accuweather was too accurate for my comfort.
A cold, wind-blown rain was due the night of a psychotherapy group meeting, so I felt relieved that we were still using telehealth rather than meeting in person. My co-lead emailed the members to remind them of the group meeting, and as expected, every member of the nine-person group was online.
They appreciated each other’s wisdom and loyalty, as some have known one another for over a decade but meet only as part of therapy work. There is also no socializing due to the medical need for confidentiality.
They began to work at 5:30 p.m., telling us what they needed to take home that night. Because our clients are excellent problem solvers, our groups contain minimal advice-giving, forcing members to dig deep to connect with a hurting member’s heart.
A never-married woman over 50 shared her fears of marrying a man who wants to give her a ring. A father of two small children shared his fear of lacking sufficient funds for winter. A talented colleague battled shyness in the face of needed assertiveness.
Time quickly passed as each person discussed the worst of what was wrong and took from the group. What is the power of a group to heal human malaise? How can sitting calmly with caring, bright adults be as effective as individual therapy? How important is skillful leadership?
When I began leading groups, the appeal of them for their members escaped me. Who would want to sit with strangers and talk about life’s most gruesome moments? Why would a sane person pay a stranger to lead this activity?
Dr. Irv Yalom already analyzed a therapy group’s healing factors. Each is powerful, but the recipe overpowers dysfunction and allows room for changes. Think a moment about the force of change:
• Hope that the treatment mode will work when other methods have failed
• Evidence that we are not alone in our problems
• Good information
• Being bigger than one’s self and helping somebody else
• A feeling of a well-oiled family providing the opportunity to relearn dysfunctional patterns
• Developing interpersonal skills
• Learning skills from other members
• Catharsis of what is so painful
• Sharing existential factors, like aloneness, death and accountability
• Receiving and giving meaningful suggestions
• Interpersonal learning from others through feedback
• Experimenting with new ways of relating.
Despite a healthy dose of cynicism, I admit that the therapy group model provided me with ongoing fascination, drawing me to it more profoundly. No two groups were alike, so leadership provided a constant challenge, and it was evident that members achieved transformational life changes.
Slowly, I acquired respect and understanding for the power of a group to heal, in that compassion connects each member and helps them live optimal lives they deserve. I now design and teach graduate training programs in group psychotherapy and have written many academic articles, books, and have supervised many colleagues on leadership skills in group therapy.
I have led 25 hours of group therapy monthly for 25 years. My work has been the focus of a nonfiction book on group therapy. Perhaps that feels especially important on a cold, wet night.
To Consider: Would you consider sharing yourself with others to help each member thrive? Why? If not, what might it take for you to consider the power of a group in your life?
To Read: The Husbands and Wives Club. Laurie Abraham. New York Simon and Schuster, 2010. This book is about my group work.
ED. NOTE: Dr. Coche practices clinical psychology in Stone Harbor and Philadelphia. She invites responses through her website, www.cochecenter.com.
