Bringing Sunshine to Each Other: The Power of Girlfriends

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” – James Barrie, author of “Peter Pan” 
After seven years of great, monthly girlfriend talks, the thought of losing my friend Afaf Meleis, Ph.D. to the great state of California had me feeling pensive. I will miss her ability to read me in about 30 seconds and know just what to say. I will miss her quick, creative solutions to whatever I can dream up to worry about. Sure, I have founded and led a female-owned business for nearly 40 years. Sure, I have survived early widowhood, earned my way to be the mom of a three-daughter stepfamily, and cooked holiday dinners for more special family events than I want to take the time to count. And yes, I do teach psychology to colleagues worldwide. So of course, I easily manage this transition with ultimate grace. But deep inside, I will miss Afaf when I don’t see her in the neighborhood, just as you would miss your old friend who takes leave because it is time.
Afaf had invited me to dinner at Aya, an Egyptian restaurant in Center City Philadelphia. We were to dine together, catch up on each other’s lives, and … open surprises that she had collected to leave with me. Afaf had cleaned out her historic Rittenhouse Square home and had brought jewelry, an umbrella, and a bookmark for me. I was to look inside boxes of treasures and pick what I wanted. Inside the boxes, tiny beads sparkled in the dim light of the restaurant as course after course was placed before us lovingly by the restaurant owner and his family, old friends of Afaf. So there we were good girlfriends at a compact table, eating delicious Egyptian dishes with names that defy pronunciation. If all that were not enough, I was to choose jewelry to wear from her collection to wish her well as she returns to her sunny mountaintop home in the heart of California’s idyllic wine country. 
And there sat Afaf, curly white hair framing high cheekbones on her slim face, lively brown eyes as sparkling as the jewelry she insisted on giving me. “No, that cat ring is not too big for you! Look, this amethyst and silver necklace is magnetic! I chose this blue beaded bracelet for you because it looks like you!” It was not feasible to say no … by bringing me jewelry she was making both of us happy, and we knew it. I brought home pink beaded rings that sparkle, a sly purple cat that winks at me from its perch on a large ring, a silver and amethyst magnetic necklace that sticks itself together on my neck, vintage sterling earring hoops that go with many outfits, a sterling bracelet chain, and a classic black onyx necklace. I brought home tiny pieces of Afaf that transported the sunshine of her presence to both of us. These treasures will mingle with unforgettable moments with my good girlfriend. I easily accept the gifts as they were intended: each time I smile at an item in my jewelry box the jewelry will bond Afaf to me regardless of distance.
At the end of this gift extravaganza, Afaf says casually, “Do you want a bookmark? I reach in its box and pull out a cream colored wide ribbon bookmark printed in paprika letters with golden suns surrounding the quote. It reads, “Those who bring sunshine to the Lives of Others Cannot help but bring it to Themselves.” A bit of research told me that this was originally written by James Barrie, author of “Peter Pan,” decades ago. It was true about Peter Pan, it is true today and will be true tomorrow. 
Afaf has brought me tiny treasures that are really pieces of her heart. She joyfully gifted me tokens of friendship. Visionary in so many ways, Afaf manages to give joyfully of herself even as she handles her sadness in leaving old friends. And surely, this is the secret of happiness. To give of the self by making friends happy is a sure way to make oneself happy too.
To Dr. Afaf Meleis and her other wonderful girlfriends, may we all recognize that friendship is truly the sunshine in the garden of our lives. It creates the growth of the beautiful petals that each girlfriend provides us during celebrations and tough times. Yes, Barrie, right you are! Bringing sunshine to others cannot help but bring it to ourselves.
To consider: As you bask in the glorious sunlight of our beautiful Cape May County in summer, what have been your greatest gifts in friendship? Do you, like Afaf, enjoy giving as much as receiving? And if so, are you glad?
To explore: I invite you to find and enjoy a tiny book, written many years ago for young children. Joan Walsh Anglund. A Friend Is Someone Who Likes You. HMH Books.
Find Clinical Psychologist Dr. Judith Coche helping couples, families, and adults learning how to build optimal lives in Stone Harbor and at Rittenhouse Square. Reach her through www.cochecenter.com.