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Best Years of Life Take Some Work

By Caleigh Manyak

Going into college, everyone told me that these would be the best years of my life; filled with partying, making life-long friends, of course going to ‘Nova basketball games.
Despite the common stereotype during the first few weeks of college, partying was the very last thing on my mind. During those first few weeks, my nights were filled with a lot less socializing and partying. Instead, they were spent acclimating to the insane amount of work I was given outside of class compared to high school. 
The first week of classes had barely begun, and I was already stressed about my first assignment, first test, first paper. Sleep was sparse, and I was drained, to say the least. Before long loneliness crept in my dorm to make a home out of my head.
Making friends can be hard when you’ve been in classes with the same 40 kids since kindergarten. It definitely didn’t help that I was hyper aware that my time was full of phony conversations filled with the same three static questions: What’s your name? Where are you from? What are you studying?
I answered these three questions at least four dozen times in the first two weeks of school, “My name is Caleigh, I’m an English major from South Jersey.” Over and over I’d start conversations, pushing myself through my social awkwardness, desperately trying to click instantaneously with anyone and everyone I met. It took me much too long to figure out that deep, full-fledged friendships can’t be forged in a matter of minutes with shallow questions and overly-eager laughs.
You meet so many people in the first few days of school, and you want to be friends with literally all of them. Unfortunately, it just didn’t pan out that way for me. The beginning of college felt more like the painful age of middle school all over again, instead of the happy-go-lucky experience everyone around me was having.
All of the years I spent molding myself into a confident, outspoken woman I could be proud of, then suddenly I reverted into the shy, dorky girl that I used to be.
Instead of using school as a chance to continue to develop myself further into who I want to be, I only became more obsessed with my once-forgotten insecurities and began to shrink even further into myself. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t consciously isolating myself at all, but I definitely wasn’t taking any daring risks to make friends either.
Every social media site I clicked on, friends from home were taking pictures of all the fun things they were doing and all of the friends they were making while I was still struggling.
The only thing harder than forcing yourself through school when you’re not enjoying yourself is facing your ecstatic friends while you’re miserable. Why wasn’t I enjoying myself as they were? Why wasn’t college the place glorified in guidance counselor pamphlets? It wasn’t a place of fairy tales where everyone was best friends, and everything was bursting full of laughs, hugs, and rainbows.
But before I knew it and with a lot of effort—it got better. Clubs started up, so naturally, I signed up for way too many; the band, choir, Social Justice Club, Villanova Democrats, VU Poetry Society, and even the volleyball team.
I started taking small, emboldened steps to making friends. Instead of bolting to my next class, I lingered once the professor dismissed us and mingled with new possible friends.
Instead of eating alone, half-waiting, half-dreading someone coming up to me, I asked people if I could sit with them at the dining hall. Eventually, all of these seemingly insignificant adjustments made the biggest difference in my experience. By the next week, my loneliness began to fade, and I actually felt like I was becoming a part of the community in Villanova.
This past week, I started really considering the things that people told me before I left. “These are going to be the best years of your life.” Maybe they were right, but they wouldn’t be that way if I didn’t try. College can be the best years of my young adult life, but only if I spend the time and effort to make them the best they can be.
Manyak, a local of Cape May for all 18 years of her life, is a graduate of Lower Cape May Regional High School. She is in her freshman year at Villanova University as an English major.

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