A Need for Kindness

A little girl once prayed, “O God, please make bad people good, and please make good people nice.” I am sure most of us know what she meant.
We all know good people, that is to say who live by moral law and who are honest and upright. Yet, they are dour, rigid, unpleasant, unforgiving and hard to get along with. Sometimes, we all wish that God would make such people nice.
Dean Inge, a famous theologian, once said, “We know these people, and so we know that they won’t be greeted in heaven with too great enthusiasm.” Some good people are not good company.
On the other hand, there is Naomi, in the famous story of Ruth in the Bible. The Moabite girl, Ruth, converted to Judaism, not by the thunder and lightning of Mount Sinai, but because of the kindness, understanding, sympathy and love of her husband’s mother, Naomi.
Ruth did not wish to stay in Moab, and she said to Naomi, which will forever be enshrined in literature, “Entreat me not to leave you, nor to go back from following after you. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”
What brought Ruth to Judaism? It was that Naomi was not only good, but she was also nice.
Among the ancient Jewish sages, two rabbis have been famous for their contrast in character. On the one hand, there was Shammai, who was a good man, but who was rigid, unbending, strict and uncompromising. On the other hand, there was Hillel, the kind, gentle and lovable sage.
The story says that a non-Jew came to Shammai, and asked Shammai to teach him Judaism in one sentence while he was standing on one foot. Shammai became angry and drove him away.
He then went to Hillel, who said, “This is the heart of Judaism. Do not do to your neighbor what you would not have your neighbor do to you.” The non-Jew joined the Jewish faith because of Hillel’s kindness and understanding.
After recounting the characters and achievement of these two immortal sages, the Talmud gives this revealing conclusion, “Both have spoken the words of the living God, but the law is according to Hillel, the gentle, kindly, understanding sage.”
It is important to be good, but goodness without kindness often repels people and drives them away from the teachings of religion. It is not only what we teach, nor what we practice that matters. It is rather the spirit in which we do it.
Much has been said about the question of whether parents should be permissive or rigid and unbending. It is more important for parents to love.
A strict father or mother who loves their children finds acceptance among them, whether the regimen is one of strictness or permissiveness. It isn’t only being good that counts, but being nice as well.
ED. NOTE: Rabbi Isaacs is rabbi at Beth Judah Temple, Wildwood. He invites questions emailed to his website, www.rabbiron.com.