Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you’re doing that child quite a service.
—Jerry Seinfeld, upon hearing that his friend wanted to name his first child, “Seven.”
You may not believe in numerology (Would you admit it if you did?), but you probably let numbers—in some small way—control bits of your life.
Last year at this time, there was concern over June 6, since, numerically, it was 6-6-06. It was proclaimed “the Devil’s day” by the numbers believers.
Lost in all that juvenile jive was the true significance of the date—it was the 62nd anniversary of D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.
This year we have 7-7-07, and what a difference a year makes. Saturday, July 7, 2007 will see a record number of weddings, since seven is seen as a fortunate figure, not the damning digit that was last year’s triple six.
Sevens predominate as brides line up seven bridesmaids, seven-course dinners, and seven-layer cakes. Gambling themes are proliferating, with guests receiving seven lottery tickets each and table bouquets sporting dice, which have rolled a seven.
Great fun, as long as you don’t take it seriously.
After all, seven is just the way we identify the part of the progression of counting that lands between six and eight. It’s just a name; not an entity.
Why get excited, and make major lifestyle changes because of a name?
How about the difference between success and failure? Is that enough of a reason to get excited?
Increasing numbers of young adults believe so, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article. Sociological researchers are apparently seeing, “unprecedented levels of angst among parents trying to choose names for their children.”
He said true things, but called them by wrong names.
—Robert Browning
The angst has reached levels in some couples that have caused them to hire baby name consultants (Yes, there is such an occupation. Ever get the feeling you’re in the wrong line of work?).
Other expectant parents are paying $400-$500 to have a numerologist test names, which is a good indication that wealth and stupidity are not mutually exclusive.
Children, and consequently the adults they become, can be “branded” the way that any advertised product can be. Or so say the baby name consultants. And when you brand a child properly, you’re setting it on the path to success. Sort of like a McDonald’s franchise. The kid can’t miss.
But sometimes the best plans are not planned at all.
In the movie, “Strategic Air Command,” husband Jimmy Stewart is away when wife June Allyson delivers their first-born—a girl—and sends her husband a telegram asking what name he likes.
Stewart telegrams back cryptically, saying, “Can’t think of anything, but hope everything OK.”
He arrives back home to find that his daughter—according to his wishes—has been named Hope.
His telegram, you see, was mispunctuated to read, “Can’t think of anything but Hope. Everything OK.”
Today, Hope Stewart is a happy, healthy 50 year-old woman of sound mind (which means she would probably never be senseless enough to hire a name consultant).
A name and also an omen.
—Plautus
One mother, it was reported, claims she suffers “namer’s remorse,” because she now realizes that her 4 year-old daughter’s name, Nicole Josephine, is—or more accurately was—too trendy.
Ah, yes, the trend. Mustn’t be unstylish. Don’t want to be individualistic and pick a name because you simply like it. You’ve just got to follow the crowd. It’s the hip thing to do.
Would she be even more remorseful had she chosen Dryce?
I always thought that parents picked names based on a dual premise: they liked the sound and it reminded them of someone they admired.
I’m James Jr. If I have to explain why, then how in the world did you ever learn to read?
Being named after someone (whether family or historical) can at least be a jumping off point.
If my wife and I named our kid Socrates, is he destined (branded?) to wander through the marketplace (mall) dispersing bits and bytes of insight; couldn’t he still be a major league pitcher someday? Or at least a batboy?
Of course, if he gets in with the wrong crowd in his teens, then fails to see the benefit of hard work, honesty, and fidelity while falling under the spell of hashish and vodka, Socrates could still wind up living in a cardboard box under a railroad trestle.
And to think, we could have prevented all that if we had just named him Zayden.
The evil wound is cured, but not the evil name.
—John Ray
So we wouldn’t have failed as parents; we would have failed as namers. Bad branders.
In such cases, it’s always good to have a scapegoat, so hiring a consultant would have left us off the hook. The name game then becomes the blame game. And in this culture of “not my fault,” what could possibly be trendier?
We—along with our son, Zayden—would still be hip.
And really, isn’t that the most important thing?
North Cape May – Another shout out to Officer Bohn, the school resource officer at LCMR. I admire his hard work and devotion to the students and staff as I see him every morning and afternoon, snow, wind , sleet or…
