To The Editor:
He was definitely a boy, they said, and weighed about eight pounds. In a few days we planned to bring home a new baby. Everything was good to go. But something went wrong, very wrong. We ended up planning a funeral instead. There was a surreal “now-or-never” opportunity to hold him in the hospital. I marveled at his perfect little fingers and toes, his fully formed fingernails and the thick, dark head of hair — like his father.
His broad nose and his full lips were those of his mother, just like my daughter wanted. If they hadn’t told me, I would have thought he was just sleeping. I noticed his skin was fragile and his lips very dark. Grief enveloped my heart as the reality began to sink in.
That was nine months ago. Whenever I hear nursery songs, especially “Lullaby and Goodnight,” I am reminded of that cold, rainy winter day when the melody of that farewell lullaby brought even the most macho and stoic of men to tears for a little child that never even had a chance to draw his first breath. The preacher said his name meant a gift from God — as big as an ocean. How could that be? How could a stillbirth be a gift?
I have learned that I am not alone. Sixty-eight babies are stillborn every day in the United States of America, in the 21st century. Up until the fifth month of pregnancy, we call it a miscarriage; after 20 weeks it is called stillborn. Sometimes we know why, other times we never know.
It is in giving to others that we find ourselves. The young woman who came to visit my daughter in the hospital could relate to her in a way that I could not. You see, she has walked the road that none of us will ever choose to walk. I am amazed at the vast numbers of women who have shared their losses with me. If you would like to ‘share a walk with someone you love’ there is a way.
SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support offers free literature and support for families who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. You can call them toll-free at 1-800-821-6819.
Share Walk for Remembrance and Hope (www.njwalktoremember.com) will be held Oct. 13 at Duke Island Park, Bridgewater. Registration begins at 8:30 a.m. ($25 donation) and the walk starts at 9 a.m. Meet at the pavilion. Bridgette Como is the New Jersey chairperson organizing the Walk through:
Hold You In Heaven, Inc. 4 Heather Hill Road Port Murray, NJ 07865 908-832-5029 bcomo@comcast.net
Locally contact Walk Co-Chair Jessica Anaya via e-mail at jesa76@comcast.net. Sept. 25 is the deadline to have a loved one’s name added to a t-shirt. All donations help SHARE continue its mission of healing bereaved hearts. Donations from businesses are being accepted, as well as bottled water, gift baskets and monetary pledges to offset the cost of the walk.
The Angel Names Association is also a nonprofit, charitable organization dedicated to assisting families of stillborn children through programs designed to provide financial assistance for end of life expenses and counseling services, and funding for stillbirth research. The may be contacted at: PO Box 423 Saratoga Springs, NY 12866 Call 518-654-2411 http://angelnames.org .
MARIAN RAFF
North Cape May
