How often have you heard or felt that a partner gives you a headache, acid reflux, heartburn, heart palpitations, panic attacks?
How often have you said, or thought, “That person is driving me to…drink, an early grave, biting my cuticles, eating ice cream, financial ruin…the list goes on and on…
New research on the sizable impact of emotional stress on health, especially heart health, means…you may be more right than you even thought.
At 51, Lonnie was beautiful. Vibrantly expressive, dressing often in black with red, her saucer brown eyes captivated immediate attention. Having quickly (“too quickly” as she hurries to add) married an accountant, Lonnie was stuck with a bad decision. Curled up in a big chair in my office, legs tucked under her like a young girl, she thought out loud…“I can’t leave Burt…he supports me.
But he is so hyper-critical of me that I feel under attack lots of the time. He tells me I am sloppy with money but nobody is as careful as he is…I swear, the man regrets every penny he spends. And he makes everybody nervous with his darty eyes and stern expression. I know Burt’s son feels like he has done something wrong after he talks to his Dad so he hardly ever calls us.”
“Burt gives me heartburn…no, really! I have to take stomach medicine for a nervous stomach. He yells at me for no reason – out of the blue. After he yells at me my stomach goes into knots so I watch all the time to see if he looks okay. It is like living with a time bomb. I am actually worried this could make me sick, or maybe sicker.”
“Lonnie, did you have any inkling this marriage would turn nasty?” I knew she really wanted to remarry, sought out men for her own security. Perhaps she had overlooked signs of trouble brewing?
“Not at the time, but as I think back, he looked angry when he was waiting for me to go out, looking at his watch, pursing his lips. When I asked what was wrong, he said, ‘Nothing.’ I wanted to believe him, but he looked stormy even when I was a few minutes late…” Her voice trailed off as she remembered early signs of hyper vigilance and harsh criticism. “He won’t come in here. He says real men don’t do therapy. I am afraid I will have to leave.“ Tears glistened on her face.
As I worked with Lonnie, research on the interpersonal risk factors for coronary disease flashed though my memory.
Scientists have known for some time that marital stress can damage a person’s heart. University of Utah researchers recruited 276 couples, ages 40 to 70, married an average of 20 years. Each couple had a comprehensive battery of emotional and physical health indicators. They filled out several questionnaires including scales to assess mutual support, emotional warmth, confiding in each other, feelings of hostility and extent of disagreement over kids, sex, money and in-laws.
They also measured symptoms of depression. And, each couple also had their waists and blood pressure measured, and was given lab tests for “good” cholesterol, fasting glucose and triglycerides. They were then screened for cardiovascular disease and whether they were prone to “metabolic syndrome,” a precursor to heart disease in women consisting of expanding waistline, higher insulin resistance, higher lipids and higher blood pressure. These health hazards may clump together as an unhealthy body response to stress.
Results confirmed that marital stress is dangerous for your health, especially if you are a woman. In a presentation at the annual meeting devoted to psychosomatic illness, Tim Smith summarized four results:
• Wives who reported experiencing more conflict, hostility and disagreement with their spouses were more depressed. Strained marriages are depressing.
• These wives were often diagnosed with metabolic syndrome.
• Divorce and pre-divorce battling is highly stressful.
• Heart disease is the number-one killer. Relationship and emotional distress are related to heart disease. Hence, improving marriage might improve health, especially for women who are more sensitive and responsive to relationship problems.
Lonnie was right…Her no-way-out dangerous marriage was creating severe stress which impacted her digestion, sense of personal safety, and happiness. She has not yet gained weight, shown precursors of diabetes, high blood pressure, or hardening of the arteries…but she will unless she makes some tough decisions?
To consider: What in my marriage is really stressful? Can it be impacting my health? Am I working to improve it?
For more information: The Washington Post, Marital Stress Linked to Heart Disease, Karen Pallarito, October 23, 2007
(Coche of Stone Harbor educates the public in mental health issues. She can be reached at jmcoche@gmail.com or 215-859-1050.)
Cape May – Governor Murphy says he doesn't know anything about the drones and doesn't know what they are doing but he does know that they are not dangerous. Does anyone feel better now?
