This piece is dedicated to John Edward Bulaga, Jr.
Since childhood, people have told me, “Your age group isn’t old enough to remember Sept. 11, 2001.” Last week, I learned that’s not true for someone I know.
Like most Americans, I spent Sept. 11 remembering the lives lost 18 years ago. I took time from my evening to walk to the Sept. 11 Memorial in Absecon, which is less than a block from my house.
I remember sitting on a bench in front of the memorial thinking, “I wonder if I have ever met someone personally affected by the events of that day in New York City, Washington, and Pennsylvania.” It didn’t take long for me to obtain the answer.
I began casually looking through Facebook and noticed a post from my friend, Rhiannon. She and I didn’t see each other too much in college, but we were members of Rowan University’s radio station, 89.7 WGLS-FM.
She wrote, “It’s been 18 years but it feels like multiple lifetimes ago. I love and miss you, dad.” Below her words was a photo of her father’s name engraved on one of the plaques that surround the fountains of the Ground Zero Memorial in New York City. It was the “never forget” post that I wasn’t expecting to receive in my feed.
I couldn’t believe that Rhiannon lost a parent as a child to the evilest act of terrorism to strike in the 21st century.
Throughout the years of being acquainted with Rhiannon, I never became much of a friend to her to know the devastation she, and thousands of others, face each year when our nation recognizes Patriot Day. My heartache for her and her family also reminded me of a valuable life lesson.
We interact with each other, both directly and indirectly. We share public roadways, food courts, stores, and places of employment with one another. Even though we share this world, we still can show ignorance of the human experience.
What people seem to forget is that sometimes the way that others act can be explained, if they were to hurdle over the barrier of a person’s life. There’s the side that we see clearly, such as what a person is wearing or the smile on their face. What we probably won’t see is another side filled with illness, needing money, or death.
Unless I were to ask about her family, Rhiannon wouldn’t have told me that her father was one of nearly 3,000 souls lost when the Twin Towers fell. Unless you were to ask the lady at the convenience store why she cut in front of you in line, or ask the guy why he gave you a friendly “gesture” while passing you on the highway, you might not know that they’re in a rush to get to someone who is dying in the hospital.
If we take a second to think about why someone is acting the way they are, maybe we can begin to create a more supportive sense of community. As my former editor said, “We don’t go around wearing signs with our problems written on them.” Unfortunately, as individuals, we are required to take a moment to consider what someone else is experiencing in their life.
When you’re on the highway and someone gives that friendly gesture, give them a friendlier gesture back, such as a quick prayer. When someone else is rude to you in public, think about why they are rude to you in the first place.
Finally, if you meet someone new, don’t feel embarrassed to express to them what’s making you overwrought. Maybe you’d be surprised to learn that the other person is experiencing the same thing and can help you through your dilemma.
Sept. 11, 2019, was unlike those in the past, where I simply post something to Facebook and head to school or work. It was one that reminded me that people use a barrier when they’re faced with something.
If I can remember that, it can help me become a more generous person towards others, even people who pass by quickly.
ED. NOTE: The author is the editorial assistant at the Cape May County Herald. To contact Conklin, email econklin@cmcherald.com.
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