Recipe for a Happy Thanksgiving: The View from Research

Every Thanksgiving our family members begin the meal by saying one thing that they are thankful for during that year. This wonderful family ritual has moments that bring tears to the eyes and laughter to the lips. Sara, our younger granddaughter, huge hazel eyes all a-sparkle, might earnestly state the she is thankful for the mashed sweet potatoes. For the adults, this ritual punctuates a year often filled with many happy situations, forcing us to select what feels most important during each year of life. Family members focus on their deep appreciation of one another, on a baby born, on successfully healing from a serious illness. This moment of contemplation punctuates an otherwise bubbly moment with depth and meaning, creating a blend of emotion and laughter that is even more delicious than the apricot stuffing that teases our noses for hours before the meal begins.
What brings you happiness at Thanksgiving? This series on how happy people think has informed us about research findings on how to build happier lives. Drs. Diener and Oshi inform us that 10,000 subjects from around the world consider their personal happiness to be very important and that, while personal contentedness is 50 percent genetic, all of us feel happier if we hone our happiness skills. And research tells us that happiness is important: it enhances good health and has been linked to higher earnings and better immune system functioning.
With a bit of strategic planning, you can create pleasant memories of the upcoming holidays. Curious how? Eight tips follow, drawn from research on how you can create a happy holiday by thinking successfully:
1. Happy people are curious. They venture into slightly uncomfortable ways of behaving to reach their goals: learning to express gratitude to a colleague or to volunteer their time to help others. Perhaps you might clear the table, thank your hosts for a fabulous meal, or like we do, go around the table and tell your friends and family what you are thankful for. Stretch a bit to extend yourself to those you love.
2. Happy people seek and do what makes them feel happy and secure. Do you, like Sara, love mashed sweet potatoes? Would you offer to bring them to enhance the meal for you and others who love the taste and texture of this Thanksgiving classic?
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Happy people seem to have a natural emotional protection against dwelling on frustrating details. So this Thursday, if the dog eats the dip and chips, just let it go. Your nervous system will thank you.
4. Lower your standards for the day. Perfection is unreachable and superfluous to success. Relaxing into a simple feast creates happy moments for all concerned.
5. Reap joy from the joys of others. Research confirms that happy people love to celebrate when things go right for others. Be vocal about how proud you are about your loved ones’ accomplishments. Reap joy by celebrating. And if you are coupled, broadcast to others your verbal and physical appreciation of your partner.
6. Handle unpleasant events briefly and with directness. If there is an unpleasant event during a holiday time, be honest about feeling disappointed or angry, but, once expressed, do not dwell on it. Put it behind you to return to celebrating if possible. This allows you to build positive memories that outlast the celebration itself so you can bring happiness into 2014.
7. Be psychologically flexible, going with what the day brings, emphasizing compassion and working to be understanding of others in your thanksgiving conversations. Finally, balance pleasure and purpose. Thanksgiving brings many pleasures. We deserve to savor every last bite of our feasts. And we deserve to treasure happy times with loved ones. But treasured memories are the result of a blend of pleasurable and deeply meaningful moments, and, at Thanksgiving, we give thanks for the bounty of family that forms the very foundation of our lives. This Thanksgiving, pay homage to the family love, strength and loyalty that create your sense of well-being.
Nobel Laureate Albert Schweitzer once quipped “happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” Happy moments are fleeting, so this holiday season, find a way to strike a balance between happiness and a sense of purpose.
I wish you and yours the deep joy that comes from appreciating what life brings to you. And do stay tuned for how to have the merriest of Christmases and happiest of New Years.
To consider: Of all the events in 2013, what has meant the most to me? Why?
Dr. Judith Coche owns The Coche Center, a practice in clinical psychology at Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia, and Stone Harbor, New Jersey. Her book of Herald columns, Your Best Life, can be purchased from the website www.cochecenter.com., where she can be reached.