“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer
Karen did not intend to be physically and emotionally abused by her husband, but life had other plans. Unable to influence him to be fair and honest, she fled the marriage, using all available funds to pay an attorney and to return to the family that loves her. Her family set her up with a comfortable furnished apartment, gave her money for clothing, and helped her to get a job.
Speaking with Karen recently, she reported that she loves Thanksgiving because it allows her to cook her family’s favorite sweet potato recipe. “I simply cannot do enough to thank them. I feel so fortunate to have my family in back of me that a day does not pass when I feel appreciative of the wonderful life I have assembled.“
As part of her therapy, Karen has had to assess her priorities. Reading a bit about the science of gratitude really helped her to decide to be positive about her life.
Gratitude is a powerful resource that can make us happier, healthier, more optimistic and more productive. Research tells us that an “attitude of gratitude” is a good health choice. Being more grateful more often makes us happier and more optimistic.
Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. Part of what we receive is from others, so gratitude helps us to connect to others, to others, to nature, or an aspect of spirituality in our lives.
Positive psychology research informs us that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
If we are aware of being appreciative we feel better but if we state our appreciation, we feel happier inside. Telling someone you appreciate what they did helps you feel happier and more fulfilled inside because we relish seeing a smile when we thank someone for something they did. Our pleasure center lights up when we acknowledge something that we appreciate.
People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.
When we look at scientific research on gratitude that my colleague, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people.
Each person was compared with a person who wrote about their early memories. Their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness. Participants who expressed gratitude reported much higher scores on scales of wellbeing, with benefits lasting for a month
Gratitude is an attitude of appreciation. It requires the conscious choice to say thank you and, if it becomes a personal habit, we begin to attract better relationships and results. Gratitude is a way for us to appreciate what we have instead of what we lack.
How simple is it to incorporate a “thank you?” Here are three ideas, each taking less than 5 minutes.
- • Email appreciation. Nurture your relationship with another person by expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life
- Speak your appreciation simply and without fanfare. Karen is in the habit of saying a simple and elegant “Thank you. I appreciate the effort you put into emailing me.” It helps her and all those who receive her cheerful notes.
- Ask others. At our Thanksgiving table, we go around and ask each member, from the tiniest to the most senior, what they are grateful for. We all beam as we hear the answers. It is simple and effective in setting the mood.
To Consider: Gratitude is an attitude. Gratitude is a choice. Gratitude is a habit. When we consciously practice being grateful for the people, situations and resources around us we begin to attract better relationships and results. The habit will be strengthened as you make the choice each day.
To Do: This week, when all of us are stuffing both turkeys and ourselves, reach out. Take 15 minutes to thank others for the kindness that brightens your days. Will you be glad you did? What do you think?
*Karen’s name and email are fictionalized to protect the woman involved.
Judith Coche, PhD, helps clients build and appreciate optimal lives as part of The Coche Center, LLC, a Practice in Clinical Psychology at stone Harbor and Center City, Philadelphia. Find her at www.cochecenter.com
