Saturday, December 14, 2024

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Promoting Courtesy and Comfort Levels

By Paulanne Pierson

One of my favorite books to read to my children was What Do You Say, Dear, which used humor and great Maurice Sendak illustrations to teach courtesy to young people.
The author, Sesyle Joslin, in my opinion, hit on a winning formula for conveying the importance of courteous responses in everyday human interactions. I have not yet found a similar book that teaches children good manners when interacting with people with disabilities. Perhaps that’s why so many of us even in adulthood seem uncomfortable in these encounters.
But I have found an excellent DVD that in 26 minutes, with respectful humor, presents an impressive crash course in disability etiquette, appropriate for children as well as adults.
The Ten Commandments of Communicating with People with Disabilities puts viewers at ease with its entertaining and humorous situations as it imparts memorable educational messages along the way. Though the summary of these “commandments” (excerpted from www.diversityshop.com) that follows is not as effective as viewing the video, it is useful information whatever your current comfort level may be.
1. Speak directly rather than through a companion or sign language interpreter who may be accompanying an individual with a disability.
2. Offer to shake hands when introduced. People with limited hand use or an artificial limb can usually shake hands, and offering the left hand is an acceptable greeting.
3. Always identify yourself and your companions when meeting someone with a visual disability. When talking in a group, remember to identify the person to whom you are speaking. When dining with a person who has a visual disability, ask if you can describe what is on his or her plate.
4. If you offer help, wait until the offer is accepted. Then listen or ask for direction.
5. Treat adults as adults. Address people with disabilities by their first names only when extending that same familiarity to all other individuals. Never patronize people in wheelchairs by patting them on the shoulder or head.
6. Do not lean against or hang on a person’s wheelchair. Keep in mind that people with disabilities treat their chairs as extensions of their bodies. So do those with guide dogs and other service animals. Never distract a work animal from its job without the owner’s permission.
7. Listen attentively in conversations with people who have difficulty speaking; wait for them to finish their thought. If necessary, ask them short questions that require short answers or a nod of the head. Never pretend to understand; instead repeat what you have understood and allow the person to respond.
8. Place yourself at eye level when speaking with a person in a wheelchair or on crutches.
9. To get the attention of a person with a hearing disability, tap him or her on the shoulder or wave your hand. Look directly at the person and speak slowly, clearly and expressively to determine if the person can read your lips. If so, try to face the light source and keep hands and food away from your mouth when speaking. If a person is wearing a hearing aid, don’t assume that he or she has the ability to discriminate your speaking voice. Never shout to a person with a hearing disability; speak in a normal tone of voice.
10. Relax. Don’t be embarrassed if you happen to use common expressions such as “See you later” or “Did you hear about this?” that seem to relate to a person’s disability.
Individuals with disabilities are the same as all of us in most ways. The differences their disabilities create should not be a cause of discomfort for either person in everyday exchanges. If good manners are simply the art of making another person comfortable, thoughtfulness, common sense, respect, and humor will always go a long way toward achieving that goal.
Did you know?
• An Introduction to Disability Etiquette is a slide presentation available on the website of the National Business & Disability Council (www.nbdc.com)
• The Job Accommodation Network (JAN) gives free guidance on workplace accommodations, the ADA, and related legislation. Contact JAN at 1-800-526-7234 (Voice) or 1-877-781-9403 (TTY)
• A new online resource, the Disability Nondiscrimination Law Advisor helps employers determine which federal disability laws apply to their particular business and what responsibilities these laws require of them. The Advisor also helps job applicants, employees, and individuals participating in federally-funded programs to learn more about their responsibilities and rights. For more information visit www.dol.gov/elaws/odep.htm.
• The New Jersey State Budget for 2011 requires cuts in funding for programs of importance to people with disabilities and their families including: $12 million from Early Intervention Services to infants and toddlers with disabilities and their families, $300 million from special education and $500,000 from sheltered workshops and transportation
• Patrons of the NJ State Library Talking Book & Braille Center can sign up for Audiovision, a FREE newspaper reading service available online or via radio. Call 1-800-792-8322 to enroll in this service
Pierson is the Coordinator of the Cape May County Office of Disability Services

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