Preventing, Understanding Domestic Violence

POMONA – Chances are, by the time law enforcement officers and the court system get involved with a domestic violence case, some level of abuse has been underway for some time, Nicole Morella said July 16.
The director of public policy and communications for the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence, Morella was the keynote speaker at a domestic violence awareness conference held at Stockton University, presented by the Atlantic/Cape May Vicinage of the New Jersey Superior Court.
Law enforcement officers, judges, victim advocates and more attended the conference, at which speakers outlined some of the progress made, but also the challenges in trying to prevent domestic violence.
In some cases, the stories were achingly personal. Valeria Marcus of Atlantic City, an advocate for children and a survivor of childhood abuse, described her father as alcoholic and abusive.
“My childhood was a combination between a war zone and a prison,” she said. Her father was the jailer, but the walls of the prison were invisible, and she could come and go.
In an emotional presentation, she said that she once thought of suicide, and considered jumping in front of an oncoming train.
She decided that would be too much for her mother. Her father, too, was a victim of abuse, she said, indicating that this is a learned behavior and raising the possibility of breaking that chain.
Cape May County Prosecutor Jeffrey Sutherland joined Atlantic County Prosecutor Damon G. Tyner. Sutherland held up the criminal code book.
“When it gets to our offices, we have to apply the law to the situations,” he said.
That couldn’t happen without the help of the officers and the advocates who work with his office. Officers undergo extensive training in dealing with domestic violence, he said.
That becomes important because of the challenges in dealing with domestic violence. Often, he said, incidents are reported by a third party, and the victim may be reluctant to talk about what happened, either due to fear of retaliation or because of the emotional connection.
Sgt. Nick Erman of the Atlantic County Prosecutor’s Office told a harrowing story about a domestic violence situation that came close to becoming a homicide.
He did not give the names of those involved but said the man had become upset about the end of a relationship. He convinced the woman to come to his house, where she found guns and knives arrayed on the kitchen table. She was told to pick a knife for him to use to maim her, and the gun that he would use to shoot himself afterward.
When she left the house, Erman said, he fired at her, with the slug striking the door jamb near her head.
She contacted the police, out of fear for his well-being rather than her own, saying only that she feared he would harm himself. While he was out of the house, she and a friend removed all of the firearms.
Along the twists and turns of the story, which included Erman seeing firsthand the man stalk the woman, she never told Erman about the shooting until someone else told him to ask her.
A search warrant found the bullet embedded in the wall stud.
As Morella presented it, the problem is staggering.
There were 63,420 reported domestic violence offenses in New Jersey in 2016. In that year, 52 were homicides. On average, three women are murdered daily by a current or former intimate partner in the United States.
The overwhelming percentage of victims and survivors of domestic violence – 85 percent – are women, but that’s not 100 percent.
Several organizations have changed their names to remove references to battered women, she said. Domestic violence can occur in a wide variety of circumstances, including with a woman perpetrator and a male victim, or in same-sex relationships.
“We define domestic violence as a pattern of coercive behaviors that an individual will use to establish and maintain control over an intimate partner,” Morella said. That can include psychological or emotional abuse, financial abuse, or using isolation or intimidation.
“We’re looking at many different types of abusive behavior, many different tactics that the perpetrator is using,” she said.
Coercion can include threats or the use of guilt, such as the man who threatened to kill himself.
Some situations present a higher risk, Morella indicated. She stated that it is important that those in law enforcement and advocates need to be aware. They include an increase in the frequency or severity of abuse, changes in the relationship, threats to harm children, death threats, or access to firearms.
An incident of strangling is a dangerous sign that it may happen again, and greatly raises the likelihood of homicide.
So why does anyone stay in that kind of situation?
Morella told the gathering that it’s a question often raised, perhaps unfairly, in discussing domestic violence.
It can also be complicated to answer, ranging from the possibility of losing access to children, social, religious or cultural beliefs, a lack of information on options and isolation from friends and family.
In some instances, including among gay youth, there may be a fear of being “outed” if abuse is reported.
Those in an abusive relationship will sometimes blame themselves, internalizing the blame and accusation from the abuser.
“You have all worked with survivors who have minimized the abuse,” she said.
Other speakers raised further issues, including the care of children and a reluctance to get the abuser in trouble. Police officers find themselves acting as counselors, mediators, and social workers.
Sometimes the process can itself be a barrier for victims to take action. There could be a reluctance to face appearances in municipal and Superior Court, Morella said.
In the courts, those accused of domestic violence are entitled to due process as is any defendant, said Family Court Judge Stanley Bergman.
An accusation of domestic violence or a permanent restraining order can mean a defendant will not be able to coach their children’s team or may lose their livelihood. He added that the victim, too, has constitutional rights.
Cape May County Family Court Judge Susan Sheppard said the victims are often unprepared when they request a final restraining order.
“They’re somewhat shell-shocked by what happened, and they have no idea, necessarily, that the defendant is going to be in the room and that they’re going to have to tell their story in front of a whole courtroom of people because it’s an open courtroom,” she said.
“They’re a little taken aback about what they can do and what they can say. Everybody wants to show me their phone. It gets to the point where I know in my heart that what I want to do is the right thing, but as Bergman pointed out, we have so many rules that we have to follow.”
She wants to make sure the victim is protected, she said, but the appellate court will want to see a preponderance of evidence.
“It gets a little frustrating to us, to me at least,” she said. “I always find a way to continue the case.”
That gives the victim time to connect with an organization like CARA (Coalition Against Rape and Abuse) and get a better understanding before proceeding.
Extensive information was distributed at the conference on seeking a temporary or final restraining order against an abusive domestic partner.
The statewide hotline of the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence is 800-572-SAFE (7233). In Cape May County, the emergency shelter hotline is 609-522-6489.
To contact Bill Barlow, email bbarlow@cmcherald.com.