Holiday stress and how to handle it

How can you go from just surviving the holidays to honestly enjoying them?
Many people I’ve spoken to seem to dread them for one reason or another. Some reasons are: too much fuss for one day, my family always winds up arguing, I have no one, I pay all year for gifts that I couldn’t afford and weren’t appreciated.
They are not alone. I’m sure many of us have endured holidays that we would rather forget. Combine the current economy with these sentiments, and we can become even more stressed about the holidays.
The incidence of suicide and family abuse skyrockets at this time of year. Many of us feel more anxious, depressed, lonely, and angry. If you have suffered a loss of any type—job, death of a family member, divorce, illness…these feelings can be multiplied 10-fold this time of year.
Do we grin and bear it, or figure out a way to make the holidays more enjoyable? Since we can’t all cruise off to the Caribbean for the next month or so, let me offer some suggestions to alleviate the stress and make your holidays merrier.
First, realize that stress is self-induced, and you have the power within yourself to not let it eat you up.
Studies have shown that stress, anger, frustration, and other negative reactions cause illness and disease in our bodies. They create catabolic energy, which destroys our cells and immune system, and can lead to high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack, and many, many other illness.
Some situations we cannot control, however we can control our response to them by making alternative choices.
The most important step is to be honest with yourself. What is causing your holiday stress and discomfort? Is it your family or your reaction to your family?
Is it your loss or your reaction to your loss? Is it the economy or your reaction to the limitations the economy has imposed?
Be honest. Can your change the situation? Probably not in the short term. If you can’t change the situation, change your reaction to it. Then you’ve already taken the most important step by being honest with yourself.
First, give some thought to what is really important to you about the holidays—gifts (giving or receiving), family, friends, and festivities? How about getting back to basics? Search your heart and follow it.
What do you have to be grateful for? We all have so much, but take so many things for granted. Make a list and you will really be surprised at how long of a list you have created, if you are honest with yourself.
Choose to think about those things rather than the “have not” list we all seem to dwell on.
If you must spend time with family members who rub you the wrong way, you may have to be present with them, but you do have the power to choose how you respond during the interaction.
Try to limit the amount of time you are with them. Next, try to find something pleasant or positive to focus on about them.
If that is just impossible for you, think about them as a small child or an animal in pain. We make allowances for a two year old who is being rude. Also, try role-playing your interaction ahead of time allowing for any possible variables in the upcoming situation.
If you are going to be alone for the holidays, reach out to friends if possible, or do some community outreach.
When I was in a new area and feeling quite blue one Christmas, I contacted the local food bank and churches.
I served dinner to a group of homeless people on Christmas. I didn’t feel quite so alone. I wound up counting my blessings and made some new friends.
One way or another, the economy hits us all in the pocketbook. Maybe this is not the year for that flat screen TV or the Wii.
There are many other gift options. If you feel you must give expensive gifts, what is driving you? Do you feel family or friends would think less of you or love you less without the expensive gifts?
Most times this is probably not the case. If, however, it really is true, maybe the time has come to reevaluate those relationships. Also, many families are now picking the name of a family member or only buying gifts for the children in the family. Is this an option?
Holidays are much more joyous when we have a mindset of, “How can I give of myself, rather than what can I get.”
My wishes are that each and every one of us finds peace, joy, love, and sharing in the true meaning of the holidays.
—Ellie Weiss is a Life Coach. Her email is coaching4u2@verizon.net and Web site is coaching4u2.com. She will be facilitating a seminar at Cape Regional on Sat. Jan. 9, 2009 on “Declutter Your Internal and External World.”