My husband and I recently began attending Sunday service at The Lighthouse Church. We are so grateful for the welcome we received by the members and congregation. Every Sunday is filled with joy for our whole family as we worship our Lord Jesus Christ and learn what it means to walk the narrow path.
On Sept. 8, I was baptized as a way to share publicly that I have given my heart to Christ. This is my story from hollowness to the Holy Spirit.
I’ll begin with my past. My mother went through a massive trauma by her first husband who abused her. She left him and sought comfort and guidance from the church she grew up in, only to be rejected. She was told she could not be forgiven, because she was divorced, and it broke her heart and her faith.
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I had a hollowness … (which) led me to have debilitating panic attacks … I started yoga … I (even) taught yoga and meditation, and got into astrology, crystal and energy healing …
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From her story, I held onto anger and pain toward all churches. I had times in my adolescence that I wasn’t even sure God existed. And every day I had a hollowness that was felt constantly.
My Mom’s second husband, who was my father, was an alcoholic and unfaithful to her. They divorced when I was in fourth grade. So, I grew up with a single mom who worked really hard to support us and saw my Dad occasionally. When he unexpectedly moved away for good, I was very angry and grieved losing him even though he was still alive.
In my 20s the hollowness that I mentioned led me to have debilitating panic attacks, to the point where I didn’t want to leave my house. Additionally, I was in a really unhealthy relationship.
In an attempt to heal and calm my anxiety and the overwhelming hollowness, I started yoga. I had no idea this was literally a gateway into a whole New Age lifestyle and practices that would lead me even further from God.
I taught yoga and meditation, and got into astrology, crystal and energy healing, as well as trying to develop psychic powers and mediumship, and many other things.
At the time, I did not understand how dangerous and demonic these practices are, or that they were leading me away from God.
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They were taught to me as a way to be a “lightworker”…. I thought of myself as a good person, so I would be fine practicing New Age teachings … I thought Jesus was just another “ascended master.”
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They were taught to me as a way to be a “lightworker.” I was taught to acknowledge dark forces; however, I would be protected as long as I had good intentions and visualized white light around myself. I thought of myself as a good person, so I would be fine practicing New Age teachings.
I wasn’t fine. I was completely lost and filled with fear. I thought I was being spiritual and going through an “awakening,” but it was the complete opposite. I wanted to be interacting with loving spirits, but I always had a doubt because I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I even thought Jesus was just another “ascended master” like other gods or goddesses, not the Son of God.
I did believe in a “creator,” but I never thought I could pray to him. That’s what I told myself when I meditated on these false gods. All of these New Age practices put ME in the center; my needs, wants and desires, instead of Jesus as Savior and Lord. And of course, the hollowness remained.
In my early 30s I had the biggest trauma of my life so far, and that was at the hands of a “spiritual teacher.” After two horrible years of following him, I was left alone, and in a place where I felt like I could not trust a single person around me, or in any spiritual community. I was so confused about what was light and what was dark that I avoided anything that was spiritual.
The following year, I met my husband, Trevor. He believed in Jesus, the Son of God, and grew up learning the Bible.
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The hollowness is gone … My life is now led by Christ Jesus. He reveals the truth to me through the Holy Spirit, who dwells within my heart.
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One day I randomly told him I was going to buy a Bible to “see what all the fuss is about.” He might have been more surprised than me to hear those words. My heart tells me that it was God, guiding me.
It took a couple of days reading God’s word, and true transformation began. I sat with my eyes closed and prayed. God heard me, I could feel Him. With immense peace and love I continued reading God’s word and learning who Jesus is – our Savior and Lord. He has helped me overcome so many of my previous New Age beliefs. A big realization was that God had not rejected my Mom, the church did. I also realized that I wanted to meditate on those false gods because I believed they were more accessible and there was no way that the true God would hear me. I thought I was too small and insignificant, and I hadn’t done enough good for God to hear me.
Everything changed when I understood God’s love for me in Jesus.
Looking back about my rebellion, all the sin, the idolatry – it is truly painful for me to think about. I know now that God is GREAT, ALMIGHTY and perfectly good. All my fear that Satan could hurt my soul is gone. I know nothing can stand against God.
1 John 4: 4-6 – “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us, but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.”
I declare Jesus is my one and only Lord and Savior. I now KNOW God and I’m grateful every day that He saved me. I see so many things differently; TV shows, the people around me, and I can see God’s love at work and the work that needs to be done in the world.
I trust God with my whole heart to guide me in life, understanding that everything I have is from Him. I pray every day to thank Him for His patience when I rebelled and for His forgiveness of my sins. There is a flame lit within my heart from the Holy Spirit, and He is with me constantly.
Ezekiel 36: 26 says, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
The hollowness is gone and filled with the Holy Spirit! My life is now led by Christ Jesus. He reveals the truth to me through the Holy Spirit, who dwells within my heart. Our God is a God of clarity and peace. The amazing good news is that this peace from Jesus is available to anyone who puts their faith and trust in Jesus as the Son of God! I pray every day for lost souls, the people with holes in their hearts, or hollowness, to answer the call from Jesus and be given the gift of salvation. If it is possible for me, it is possible for anyone. Praise the Lord!
For information about The Lighthouse Church, call 609-465-6690 or email info@tlccma.org.
