Herald-Exit Zero Softball Game to Benefit V.I.M. Tonight

RIO GRANDE — We mix like oil and water, like pit bulls and feral cats, like the Hatfields and McCoys and we are taking our feud to the ball diamond.
The first pitch flies in a celebrity softball game between the Herald Skeeters and the Exit Zero Zeroes at the Carl Mitnick School, Thursday, July 17 at 7 p.m.
The game is a fundraiser for Volunteers in Medicine of Cape May County, which provides health care for many county residents who lack health insurance.
The bad blood between the two publications began in 2004 when Exit Zero printed a sketch of a large mosquito and said it stood for Cape May Review, a Herald publication. They called the Herald “a menace that wants to bleed us dry.”
That inspired the name of the Herald team, “The Skeeters.”
The animosity increased when Exit Zero, or as we prefer to call it “Expletive Zero,” copied our beloved Spout Off with something called “Spouty Offy.”
This reporter countered with a sarcastic column about a mythical publication called “Exit 4A,” that covered the social scene of Rio Grande.
According to Exit Zero Publisher Jack Wright, at some point the Herald promised to put Exit Bupkus out of business.
Frankly, the Herald challenged the staff of the Editorial Zero because we believe we can beat them soundly on the ball field. We picture them as martini-sipping theater critics who probably roll out of bed at noon and sit on the porch of a bed-and-breakfast inn eating rum bon-bons while listening to harpsichord music.
The Herald staff, on the other hand, are hard-nosed working journalists who put in the 12-hour days chasing fire trucks and attending every governmental meeting from councils to the zoning boards.
The Herald represents the honest, hard-working people: the firefighter, the police officer, the teacher, the nurse, the mechanic, the waitress, the veteran, all that is good about America while the staff of Exactly Zero represents millionaires who don’t pay any income tax and spend their days dusting their antiques and putting salt in Lower Township’s water supply.
A $3 suggested donation will be taken at the gate while children will be admitted free. Sen. Jeff Van Drew (D-1st) will throw out the first pitch.
You can rock n’ roll with the Shannon and Wesley band, Acoustic Mayhem and meet Groucho Marx at the game. We will also have lots of giveaways for the crowd ranging from dinners in popular restaurants to t-shirts.
Local merchants have donated all our concession food, so if you buy a hot dog, ice cream or soda, all that money goes to Volunteers in Medicine.
Can writers play softball? The answer is yes.
The Skeeters have been training on a secret field in Rio Grande for weeks. One of our players broke a windshield with one of his hits.
We encourage our readers to attend the game and cheer on the Herald Skeeters and help us defend our honor while teaching the staff of the Exit Zero a lesson.
As a further incentive, the Herald is asking Mr. Wright to come to the Herald building and dust our many awards if the Zeroes lose the game. In turn, this reporter will go to the Zero Building, wherever that is, and dust their award, if they have one, should the Skeeters lose.
The game takes place at the Carl Mitnick School, 950 Seashore Road, just north of the Cape May Canal bridge.
Come early to enjoy the band and bring a lawn chair.
After the game come to Harpoon Henry’s on Beach Drive in North Cape May, where 10 percent of all bar proceeds will be donated to Volunteers in Medicine