The Special Mother Revisited

Erma Bombeck, humorist, writer, and columnist of the 70s, 80s and 90s, entertained the wives and mothers of that era with her humorous observations on everyday family life. Her nationally syndicated column, At Wit’s End, could be counted on to put the pressures and stresses of her fellow suburban housewives in humorous perspective. The titles of her best selling books — Just Wait Til You Have Children of Your Own; I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression; Family: The Ties That Bind…and Gag — said it all.
Perhaps that’s why Bombeck’s essay on The Special Mother made such an impression on me even before I was fully involved in the disabilities community. This piece was thoughtful and poignant, a departure from her usual comic delivery. Written in story form, it is a dialogue between God and the angels whose job it is to assign the right child to each expectant mother. The assignment of the last — a special needs child — evokes a description of the stuff of which this child’s mother must be made.
The special mother would need to know laughter, despite the sadness embedded in the difficult road ahead. This mother, too, would need to have a strong sense of self (some might interpret it as aggressiveness, but so be it!) to advocate effectively for her child. She would require just the right amount of patience to keep her from paralyzing self-pity and to rise above the ignorance and downright cruelty she might encounter. And though dedicated to her child, she would need enough selfishness to separate herself occasionally to relax and recharge for the long haul.
Blessed with a child the world might view as less than perfect, the special mother would not need to be reminded to cherish her child’s smallest accomplishments. While others might fuss and fret about occasional minor setbacks, this mother would learn to give thanks for any day free of major setbacks. And in an often-cynical world, she would manage to appreciate the daily miracle of teachers and caregivers going the extra mile for her child.
Considering that Erma was not the mother of a special needs child, her observations on the qualities of “the special mother” are incredibly insightful. She also showed a more serious side in writing about a difficult subject — childhood cancer — in her 1989 book “I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise.” But most of Erma Bombeck’s writing on motherhood and family tapped into a timeless antidote to stress — good-natured humor. Her amusing perspective on family life has not been replaced in the literary world and is sorely missed. If you’ve never had the pleasure of reading Bombeck’s work, you’re in for a treat. What better time than now?
Did You Know?
• Erma Bombeck’s poem, The Special Mother, is found in her book entitled Motherhood: the Second Oldest Profession, which was published in 1983.
• The Special Mother and other poems relating to special needs children can be found at http://the-callahans.com/susete/poems.htm (My particular favorite is The IEP, written in the rhythm of Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham)
• The website www.specialchild.com has useful information for parents and caregivers of special needs children
• Today’s young mothers are rediscovering the 1950s concept of “the good-enough mother” as a welcome balance to the modern pressure of “hyper-parenting” (See www.mommybloggers.com to join the discussion)
Pierson is the coordinator of the Cape May County Office of Disability Services