Side Effects, Treatments for Liberalism Explained

To The Editor:
The ravages caused by the disease of liberalism in politics are well defined and documented, but there are other personal side effects to the disease. It can cause hair loss and facial wrinkles. It is not uncommon to see liberals pulling out their hair ranting about something a conservative has said or advocated. And some liberals experience deep facial wrinkles due to their constant frowning whenever patriotic music or the flag is displayed.
What researchers have found is that the disease of liberalism has three stages of development.
Stage 1 is the onset and the weakest stage. In this stage, if caught early enough, having the patient read several conservative magazines or columns for a period of two days can cure the patient. After the second day the patient should be back to normal.
Stage 2 is a bit stronger. It requires that the patient read the U.S. Constitution twice a day for a period of three weeks. In addition “God Bless America” must be played repeatedly at bedtime each night during those critical three weeks. The recovery time will vary as some patients are in better mental health than others, but by the end of the third week the patient should be up and about and eating solid food. Kool-Aid must be avoided at all cost.
Stage 3 is the worse. There is no known cure as of this time. We call this the “Nancy Pelosi Stage” and for all practical purposes the patient is a “goner.” The best that loved ones can do is try to make the goner, er, patient as comfortable as possible. Some have said that the pain can be assuaged somewhat by playing podcasts of the Rush Limbaugh show three times a day. Some say having photos of Justice Clarence Thomas, Sarah Palin and Herman Cain on the nightstand next to the patient’s bed does some good as well. Other than those things, nothing else can be done.
Conservatives around the clock are working to try and find a cure for the third stage of this debilitating disease in hopes that one day the scourge of liberalism will be but a distant nightmare for our society. I commend all those who are already engaged in this important struggle.
JIMMIE HOLLIS
Millville