Etiquette Rules of Christmas Giving

To the Editor: 
Days ago, certain television viewers were treated to a lecture, a quite serious lecture, on the subject of Christmas giving to those who, during the year, have rendered respectable service.
One of its insinuated aims was to wean viewers from the old, vague rule, “let your conscience be your guide,” replacing it with a set of rules containing numerals. Anyone in the audience not of the gullible set, listening intently, might find it all as amusing as those lectures that dictate, when revered guests remain for dinner, how far from their plates should be placed their forks.
Before the lecturer reached mid-delivery, it became apparent the rules were not based on a survey of the served and serving, merely the served and only those, it seemed, whose hearts contained the spirit of either Old Man Potter or Mr. Scrooge.
Here, reader, is a sampling of the rules which speak for themselves. To the babysitter who is kind, prompt and responsible, a Christmas gift of $20 is sufficient. If your employee is never absent, laughs when expected, and remains calm while you ridicule, you need not hesitate in rewarding him or her with jelly and such but if your intent is to reward with cash the amount should not exceed the sum of zero.