Another Vantage on Boys Being Boys

To The Editor:
In reading the Sept. 3 Speaking in the Light column by Pastor Rudy I was first troubled by the focus taken by him concerning his belief that “too many women are buying into the trend to prohibit the very activities and challenges that every boy needs.”
To suggest that women do not challenge and support their sons to “roam and play” or to be “faithful, dependable, strong and courageous tomorrow” without “smothering them today” is a total exaggeration.
He pictures women as unable and incapable of helping to build their sons’ character. Character in any child is taught through both parents involved in teaching their children manners and modeling and reinforcing for them through their love and support; yes, even teaching them to say “I am sorry” if they are wrong or have given another child a black eye.
By supporting your son to fight with the other guys and supporting unsupervised recess to allow this to occur is irresponsible and not possible in schools where character building, not bullying, is such a key philosophy. As a father of both a son and a daughter I always have and continue to tell them to “be careful” whether they want to hear it or not. This does not mean I cannot assist them in becoming successful in whatever they choose to do from sports, exploring and creating, to taking on complex projects.
I will still tell them to be careful and tell them that I am saying that because I love and cherish them, not because I want them to avoid something that might be difficult. The reference to God is confusing. He says that living in a controlled environment will prohibit strong, active, risk-taking disciples of Jesus. He seems to be confusing competition with cooperation. Most confusing is his reference to boys’ achievement of discipleship as compared to girls’.
Do not girls need strength, activity, risk-taking behavior and encouragement to fulfill dreams? He again seems to equate safety with dullness and advocate effort only if there is a reward in sight. Finally, from the news, we know that there are wars raging all over the planet, most in the name of God. We also know that many sticks turned into a “weapon of chivalry” were actually turned into weapons of destruction and death. Chivalry and kindness are taught.
It takes more than “not being fenced in” to raise a boy and help him become a man. It takes love, nurturing, boundaries, freedom, support, and the knowledge that boys should be the combination of all positive traits: strong and kind, resolute and understanding, competitive and cooperative, and courageous and safe.
GEOFFREY McCARTHY-MILLER
Avalon