Young Lady With A Problem

I entitled this, “Young Lady with a Problem,” but unfortunately there are too many young women with this problem.
Last month the New York Times ran a picture of a beautiful 23-year-old young lady from Texas who is trying to figure out how to put her life back together after having done something very stupid when she was 18. At that time, a boyfriend convinced her that to demonstrate her love for him, she needed to send him a number of nude pictures of herself. He talked about buying her a wedding ring and “He said if I didn’t want to send them to him, that meant that I didn’t trust him, which meant that I didn’t love him.”
He assured her that no one else but he would ever see them, and of course that was an absolute promise, no question about it.
Surprise! Surprise! You guessed it! They broke up. And guess what? The next thing she knew, her nude photos had been posted to what is known as a “revenge porn site.” And if that were not crushing enough, these sites not only post pictures, but also post where the women live, where they work, and have links to their Facebook pages.
The Times reported that these sites are proliferating and are virtually immune to criminal pursuit. It reported that victims have lost jobs, have been approached by strangers, and have been stalked. Some have changed their names only to find links to their new names. The Times quotes a law professor who says, “It’s just an easy way to make people unemployable, undatable and potentially at physical risk.”
So why am I telling you this? We older people in our community want to see you young people thrive, and avoid mistakes that may take you years to undo, so we tell you what we have seen and heard.
You are going to be exposed to a number of situations which can do you harm, or maybe even ruin your life. If you have thought about them in advance, they will be like potholes in the road—if you know they are there, you will be careful to avoid them.
Where young men are concerned, you need to have enough wisdom to know when a fellow is interested in you for who you are as a person. Please have enough pride in yourself to retain your dignity.
You may encounter a situation where you and your boyfriend are so in love with one another that you are willing to open yourself up to anything and everything, and may even desire to do so. Don’t go there. If he is mature and if he really loves you, he will only want what is best for you in the long-run and will be willing to hold off until he in fact buys that ring and puts it on your finger at the altar.
If he is not that mature, and he wants what he wants when he wants it, how believable are his absolute assurances that you are his girl for life? In four words: Not worth the risk.
Women used to know better than to believe young men. They will tell you anything, and it may be that they have even convinced themselves, but don’t trade your future by giving in, however much you may even want it yourself. And the prettier you are, the more resolve you will require.
Remember, you don’t have a crystal ball to see the future, so don’t take risks. You may say, all the other girls are doing it and having fun, and I am not, am being left out, and even laughed at. That may be in part true, but the boys who will make the best husbands know strength of character when they see it and over time will be drawn to you. It does take patience, and it is hard, but that is the only way valuable things in life are achieved.
Let me end by saying, I know it is old-fashioned but true nonetheless, if you save yourself for your future husband, your lives together will be immeasurably enriched. I feel sure the 23-year-old Texan wishes somebody had told her this.
From the Bible:
If you can find a truly good wife, she is worth more than precious gems.
From Proverbs 31 (TLB)