What’s Missing? A Sense of Honor and Obligation

Among the most cherished of things lost in this modern age is the sense of honor and obligation. If not instilled at a very early age, such intangibles cannot be purchased in a store like the latest electronic game.
Honor, as defined in Webster’s New World Dictionary is the “high regard or respect, good reputation, adherence to principles considered right.”
Obligation, in the same reference book is defined as, “binding power of a contract, promise, etc.”
Several months ago, I wrote about the code that pioneers adhered to, that bound them to their word. That’s what I‚m focusing on today.
Consider the fact that, last week, the Cape May County Sheriff’s Department spent a great portion of its time finding what we might call “dead beat dads.” Perhaps there was a mother or two in the mix, but for the sake of conversation, let’s focus on males.
For whatever reasons, they departed from the mother of their children, and had court orders to provide support for their children.
That obligation goes with parenthood, even if there is no law on the books that states it is. At some moment in time, there was a decision made that resulted in offspring, helpless children, who need all the things that we all need from the moment of birth: food, shelter and nurturing.
It’s a bond between parent and child, one that the parent, at first, must honor, and then realize the obligation that goes along with that sacred duty.
However, no one is perfect. That is why there are laws, so that those who do not live by an unwritten code of conduct will be compelled to live by “the law of the land.”
According to Sheriff Gary Schaffer, this latest endeavor by his department has gained attention, in part by the efforts of this newspaper. We printed a release several weeks ago, that mentioned the start of this program of compliance, and urged that those who were behind on their child support payments should contact the Family Court in order to make arrangements to pay their obligations.
One man was jailed, owing over $87,000 in support payments. That is mind-boggling. Others owe considerable sums, perhaps not that large, but sizeable.
These were unmet obligations. In addition, those who do not pay mean that those of us who pay our share of the tax burden are carrying them. What should be an unwritten rule, paying support for your children, is flaunted, and the welfare system has to kick in to help children and families in need. That’s wrong, and all because of obligations that are neglected.
Similarly, although perhaps for some different reasons, municipalities are now listing unpaid real estate taxes in this newspaper. Last week, Wildwood alone had over $2.7 million in unpaid taxes.
Property ownership is a right as well as a privilege. Those who own land are obligated, like it or not, to pay assessed taxes on their ground. They don‚t have to agree with the officials in office. They don‚t have to agree with the way their money is spent. They don‚t even have to vote, if they so choose, but they must pay their taxes. It is an obligation.
Those who do not pay their fair share may think they are getting off inexpensively, but the rest of that municipality’s taxpayers must bear the burden of those unpaid taxes.
Schools must be paid, regardless of whether you like the school tax or not. Your town has to pay the board of education, whether or not you pay your share.
In municipal budgets, there is a line item, “Reserve for uncollected taxes.” That number will be larger when many do not pay their local taxes. All the rest are made to pay that part, which raises their tax burden and all because many people choose not to abide by their rightful obligation.
Sometimes I glance at the County Jail’s daily Commitment Report, checking for names that I may know. Often, I will recognize one, and look over to the offense, which is always listed by state statute. After a while, you get to know certain ones, and you shake your head in amazement.
At those times, I wonder what their parents or grandparents might think if they saw, what their relatives had done.
Again, no one is perfect and never will be, but there are certain codes of conduct that many were taught from childhood, and from which we try not to leave, even six or seven decades after being admonished by fathers and mothers, “Whatever you do never bring shame to the family. Never.”
Not that he ever had to concern himself with it, but my father’s early and often words of advice were, “If you ever get yourself put in jail, you better get yourself out, because I‚m not coming to get you.”
That made an indelible impression on a young mind, and to this day, when I drive past the county jail, those words come to mind. I have to wonder about those whose names are on that commitment report, didn’t their dads ever tell them such words of “encouragement?”
Then, I puzzle at our world and the direction it seems to be taking. New Jersey appears one of the most corrupt of all states in the nation. Where does that emanate? Trace it directly to family roots.
If the idea of honor and obligation had been ingrained in childhood, elected officials would not be swayed by offers and money, vacations to warm places or seats at a sports arena.
They would have the fortitude to say “No!” and that would say it all. They know, as all of us do, what is right and what is wrong.
If honor and the sense of obligation that it imparts are taught early and reinforced in childhood, I believe, our collective future would be brighter and a lot more honest. Crime would be reduced, because people would respect themselves and the properties and rights of others.
That would make the world a better place to live.