The Gift of Legacy

“No legacy is so rich as honesty.” – William Shakespeare 
In close view of the computer that I use to write this, I see an old original photo of me from 1946. I check in with the girl in the photo every time I sit to write. 
She centers me and reminds me of who I am inside today because we internalize who we were as we become who we are. In it, if I look very closely, I can see who I was to be and have become.
The photo shows a girl of not even five, standing in front of a white fence in a “dress-up dress” of that era, with a large, lacy, white collar, puffy sleeves, and gathered skirt. My unruly, brown, tight curls have been combed with a center part, and barrettes have been clamped into place to keep me neat until the photo was over, but not much longer. The frizz tortured me for much of my life until my hair relaxed as I got older.
Clearly, Dad had told me to “Stand with your hands folded in front of you and keep smiling at the camera till I tell you to stop” because my face wears an expression of intense concentration. I am trying with success to look happy.
I am twiddling my fingers rather than folding my hands, but, then, I was always known to have a mind of my own. I stand straight and tall.
Of late, I have been reviewing the role of parents in helping us all become who we are and will remain. The role is huger than even I thought, but my education and clinical experience has taught me volumes about the centrality of legacy in shaping lives.
My Dad, Louis Milner, owned a pharmacy and surgical supply store that serviced the University of Pennsylvania. I am a clinical psychologist who serves clients worldwide.
I also teach the Perelman Medical School of the University of Pennsylvania. Like my Dad, I serve those from the community who can benefit from my skills. 
I have followed my Mother’s footsteps as well. Miriam Milner was a Julliard-trained, early female composer of contemporary twelve-tone music. She taught me to love my career and to work at it with passion and diligence.
Their joint legacy of championing their daughter has been passed down by me to my daughter, a psychiatrist at Pennsylvania Hospital who teaches as I do at Perelman Medical Center at Penn. She and I pass on the championing of our next generations to her daughters, now 8 and 11.
The legacy of strong women living creative lives passes from a woman born in 1921 to a granddaughter born in 2010. This is how legacy creates our past, our present and our future. 
Have you ever thought about the legacy you’re leaving your family, your community, and your world? Most people never give it a second thought, but a legacy is something you’re creating every day, whether you realize it or not.
What exactly is a legacy? Webster’s Dictionary defines “legacy” as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”
How do you want to define your legacy? Most people never consciously choose their legacy, but you might make a conscious decision about the legacy you’ll leave.
A legacy is about who you are and how you touch people’s lives. To think about your own legacy, imagine life after your death. As you think ahead to those you love or want to serve, what do you want to be remembered for? Some of us want to be remembered as a parent, aunt, deep friend, or partner.
What feels to you like an important contribution to our world? If you decide to contribute to a cause, what feels most important and why? 
Many around us contribute to their church or to the hospital that handled their care. Which organizations seem best suited for any donations you leave?
A legacy is less about leaving funds than about leaving a way to be remembered. Possessions and wealth do not create the most powerful legacy for most of us. You might ask yourself how you can instill in others what feels most important to you.
To learn to write your legacy, so that others can know you later, a simple book can be helpful.
What will be your legacy? These are big questions … and your answer is?
To consider: If you have children or grandchildren, what do you want them to remember from your life? How are you instilling your values in their lives? Do they notice? Why? Why not?
To explore: Legacy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Writing Personal History 1st Edition. Linda Spence. Starwood Press.
Dr. Judith Coche helps clients design and implement their legacy through her practice in clinical psychology in Stone Harbor and Rittenhouse Square. Reach her through www.cochecenter.com.