Syncoupation! The Rhythm of Coupling

“Fascinating rhythm, you’ve got me on the go 
 Fascinating rhythm, I’m all a-quiver”
– Lyrics, Fascinating Rhythm, Nelson Riddle
Katy and Tom, married 27 years last month, sat on the couch in the Stone Harbor office and thought out loud.  “I think it would really be fun to do a couples’ emotional and physical fitness workshop. It is a great combination and I have never heard of anything like it.” Katy sounded animated.  “I love it when we dance and go for walks. It would be really fun to work out together, especially if we can also get some skills in resolving disagreements. I hate when we disagree and get quiet instead of talking things out.  I would love to learn more about how to talk about what is hard to talk about. Could we go?” 
She looked at Tom like a fifth grader asking to be allowed to skip out of school early.
Tom thought for a moment, and then broke into a broad smile. “I agree. It seems like real fun, and it would be great to work out things better between us.  It says it is for all ages, so folks can help me with stuff I cannot do. Let’s go!” 
For decades, I have lightheartedly mentioned that The Coche Center, LLC, is a   community where emotional fitness is the topic of each day. Having written six workbooks for adults on how to live emotionally fit lives, I was delighted when Brenden O. loved the idea of creating a workshop on emotional and physical fitness for couples
I have always loved the Fred Astaire song and dance to “Fascinating Rhythm,” which reminded me of the syncopation in successful couples, so I named our couples’ workshop series “SYNCOUPATIONS.” 
We teach how to get physically and emotionally in synch with your partner.  This puts you in synch with the person you love from your toes up to the brain in your head.
Brenden O. has a slow smile that spreads from one side of his long face to the other, catching your eye with a twinkle. He has dedicated many years of training to a state-of-the-art physical fitness and has recently opened his own business. 
Last fall, Brenden began telling me of his plans to surprise his beloved, Nicole, with a ring just before Christmas.  He had properly gone to her family to ask for her hand, and they were thrilled. So he secretly invited his parents and his in-laws to go to dinner with Nicole and him just before Christmas, 2015 in New York.
Both sets of parents and I knew that, in his pocket was a diamond engagement ring, and that, after dinner, he planned to walk Nicole to the huge Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center and surprise her with the ring. 
Not only did he propose on bended knee, but he hired a roving photographer to capture the moment!  He came in the next time I saw him, and said, that twinkle in his eye, “She said YES!”
Brenden informs us that “working out with a partner has short-term and long-term benefits. The short-term benefits include engagement, communication, and pleasure. During a couple’s first workout, they become engaged and communicate with each other on whether or not they are performing the exercise correctly. If they have a successful workout then pleasure is obtained.
“Helping couples get needed steps to do exercises correctly is essential in maximizing their enjoyment of one another.
“The long-term benefits include goal achievement, relationship building, and an emotional bond. A recent study of heterosexual couples showed that average-weight husbands who care about fitness engage in more physical activity when their wives offer more supportive health-related comments. The consistency of engagement can aid in the long term benefit of achieving fitness goals. “
Much like physical fitness, emotional fitness is a way to honor interpersonal health and prevent an interpersonal decline into aggression and ill will between loving partners. 
In SYNCOUPATIONS, we stress simple daily routines that maximize the chance for couples to get into and remain in synch with one another. Easy ways to build this into your day include romantic moments, waking and going to sleep together, creating happy moments in your own life each day, taking good care of yourself, sleeping tight, and learning to talk out differences with each other.
In Syncoupations, we teach how to listen with your heart, how to talk about how you feel, and how to resolve inevitable conflicts. This is the secret of coupling and creates the good will to have fun exercising together.
To Consider: Whom do you know that might benefit from getting in synch with their partner? How much happier might they be?
 To Read: Dr. Barton Goldsmith. Emotional Fitness for Couples. New Harbinger Publications, 2005
Dr. Judith Coche helps couples get in synch at The Coche Center, LLC in Stone Harbor and   Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia. Reach her through www.cochecenter.com