RABBI – Teaching Values to Our Children

This past week we Jews read the parshah Chayah Sarah dedicated to the passing of Sarah Imanu (our mother Sarah) and the task Abraham has of finding a resting place for her.
The parshah is dedicated to Sarah but it is actually about Abraham and his duties and responsibilities both as a husband and a father not only to his children but to the entire Jewish people.
“Our Sages taught that the main offspring of the righteous are their good deeds! (Rashi, Genesis 6:9). Ask that you be a good person, that you be worthy of following the true path. If you are worthy of physical children, all the better, but your main offspring are born when you let your heart come close to God.”
The parshah is about how Abraham brought his children closer to God and helped them become better people.
The cave that Abraham purchased for the burial of his wife Sarah eventually became his own resting place and the symbol of his entire family line. Eventually Abraham dies and he is buried in the Marat Machpelah in Hebron as his two sons, Isaac and Ishmael, unite and make peace.
What is so fascinating about this section of our weekly reading is that it is also connected to the Haftorah (weekly reading from the prophets) in which we read from Kings I where David is about to die and he needs to make a choice about who will take over his kingship.
Here we see the deep contrast from Abraham in which the sons unite after his death. In David’s case the sons, Solomon and Adonijah, are at each other’s throats fighting over who will take their father’s place.
The contrast between the two sons of David and the two sons of Abraham could not be more different, yet their family history is very similar. Both sets of sons had conflict with each other and both had different mothers. It was the fathers who set two different examples of how to live.
Abraham left the world with his sons in conflict with each other, yet they found a way to make peace with each other. Abraham sent Ishmael away when he was young at the behest of his wife Sarah, yet it is clear that he never forgot him nor stopped loving him.
David clearly had trouble with his children as he failed to settle conflicts and often also failed to have them feel respect for each other. David had one son, Absalom, kill one of his brothers who had assaulted his sister, while Abraham had none of these issues.
Why was this? It is because even though David brought his nation together he never taught his family to love each other and respect each other as Isaac and Ishmael did?
We are taught that Abraham never failed to make the tough call in his duties as a parent whether it was the exile of Ishmael and Hagar or the binding of his son Isaac at God’s request. He never failed to do what was needed of him even when it was difficult or painful.
By this example, Isaac and Ishmael were able to come together and make peace with each other, even though it was difficult for them. In contrast, David had a rough time controlling his urges and often put off the difficult tasks of parenthood to focus on his kingship.
In our tradition we are taught that David was a great leader but a lousy parent, whereas Abraham seemed to excel at both. Our sages teach that the values we share with our children are carried on to the next generation.
Those values can be good or they can be bad but they outlive us so we need to choose correctly.
The parshah Chayah Sarah ends as it begins with a funeral but also the marriage of Isaac to Rebecca, a righteous woman, much like his mother Sarah. Abraham continued to set the example for Isaac that let him marry Rebecca and in the end make peace with his brother, Ishmael.
That was the true gift Abraham gave his sons, the will to forgive. The values Abraham passed on to his two sons lasted forever and continue to live on until this day.
David is called our king, but Abraham is called our father, not just for Jews but for Arabs alike because he is the one unifying factor between our two peoples and the best example we have.
No matter how difficult relations have been through the years between Arabs and Jews, Abraham our father stands as a symbol of what our future can hold if we live by his values.
The picture of Isaac and Ishmael making peace with each other to bury their father laments in my mind as I also see families to this day trying to find a way to make peace with the issues of the past that their parents failed to help resolve.
Our sages teach that the values of our parents guide us, in both good and bad ways, and thus they need to have an anchor of morality.
As Thanksgiving approaches, both parents and children need to find time to say the words that have been left unsaid and to resolve old conflicts so we do not find ourselves like Solomon and Adonijah, fighting each other after a parent dies.
Use this season to embrace the value of what Abraham taught his children: to resolve old conflict and come together as family and to always keep the door open to forgiveness.
Rabbi Jeffrey Lipschultz is the spiritual leader Beth Judah Temple in Wildwood. He welcomes your comments at dvjewish@rof.net