Accuweather was too accurate for my comfort. A foot of snow and icy rain was due the night of a psychotherapy group. I emailed the members to inform them of the weather crisis. Surprise! Every member of the seven-person group wanted to literally weather the impending storm in order to meet, and were willing to drive 200 miles to do so. They would endure the irregularity of PATCO, walk through icy rain, pack a dinner and, yes, they would risk getting caught in a predictably nasty Nor’easter. Slippery dark roads are not safe so I decided that we would provide healthy snacks and end well before scheduled storm start time.
That evening the waiting room practically levitated from the energy in the room. At the crack of 5:30 members began to work, telling us what they needed to take home that night. Because our clients are good problem solvers, our groups contain minimal advice giving, forcing members to dig deep inside themselves to connect with the heart of the hurting member.
This group was ready to work. Members shared deeply and honestly. A never-married woman over 50 shared her fears of marrying a man who wants to gift her a ring. A father of two small children shared his terror of lacking sufficient funds for the winter. A talented colleague battled shyness in the face of needed assertiveness. Time passed so quickly that dinner and bathroom breaks came and went while the group worked on. Each member discussed the worst of what was wrong and took from the group on this dark and icy evening.
As my tall and preppy co-lead, Dr. Scott Romeika, and I led the group to a fast paced early closing some members darted to trains. But most lingered over hugs and well wishes until the next meeting. As I left for home, I was greeted by the first snowflakes, magically lacey on the darkness of a city preparing for a day of shut down. Hoping to be spared power outages, pedestrians were hunkering down with hastily purchased bread and milk from the Asian markets on many Rittenhouse Square corners.
Just what is the power of a group to buoy human malaise? How can sitting calmly with caring, bright adults be as effective as individual therapy? How important is skillful leadership? When I first began to lead groups, the appeal of a therapy group for its members escaped me. Who would want to sit with strangers and talk about life’s most gruesome moments? Why would a sane person pay a stranger to lead this activity? But Dr. Irv Yalom had already compiled the healing factors in a therapy group. Each factor is powerful but the recipe overpowers dysfunction and allows room for desired changes. Think a moment about the force of change:
• Hope that the treatment mode will work when other methods have failed
• Evidence that we are not alone in our problems
• Good information
• Being bigger than one’s self and helping somebody else
• A feeling of a well oiled family providing the opportunity to relearn dysfunctional patterns
• Developing interpersonal skills
• Learning good skills from other members
• Catharsis of what is so painful
• Sharing existential factors like aloneness, death and accountability
• Receiving and giving good suggestions
• Interpersonal learning from others through feedback
• Experimenting with new ways of relating.
Despite a healthy dose of cynicism, I had to admit that the therapy group model provided me with ongoing fascination, drawing me to it more deeply. No two groups were alike so leadership provided constant challenge. And it was evident that members achieved transformational life changes. Little by little, I garnered a healthy respect for the power of a group to heal.
I now deeply understand the power of a group: compassion pulls in and engages each member with one another. A group of smart adults, there to help each other live the optimal lives they deserve and long for is a powerful driver of transformational change. I now design and teach graduate training programs in group psychotherapy. I have written many academic articles and books and have supervised many colleagues on leadership skills in group therapy. I have led 25 hours of group therapy monthly for 25 years. My work has been the focus of a non-fiction book on group therapy. Perhaps that feels especially important on a cold, wet night.
To consider: Would you consider sharing yourself with others to help each member thrive? Why? And if not, what might it take for you to open a bit to consider the power of a group in your life?
To Read: The Husbands and Wives Club. Laurie Abraham. New York Simon and Schuster, 2010. This book is about Dr. Coche’s group work.
Judith Coche, PhD, ABPP is a Certified Group Therapist and Supervisor for the American Association of Marrriage and Family Therapy. She owns The Coche Center, LLC, a Practice in Clinical Psychology in Rittnehouse Square and Stone Harbor, N.J. Find her at www.cochecenter.com.
Avalon – Eighty percent of working-age Americans have jobs, and the average after-tax income is up almost $4,000 since before the pandemic, significantly outpacing inflation.
