Making Life Work — Taking the Initiative: Norman Grows Up

When a colleague asked me if I would work with her good friend’s son, I nodded absentmindedly. Some months later, a round young man with a cherubic face and a Friday night party animal’s beer belly, appeared wearing a sweet smile and a Harley Davidson T shirt.
This pairing of innocence and wildness turned out to be the problem: Norman bumped through life with an attention deficit disorder that made orderly conduct hard. Escaping into party animal mode as early as middle school, he scraped through school, graduating college in 2000 with fine arts degree and no job. He used his talent as a mural artist to rent space in Philadelphia’s Old City, but the business always teetered on collapse.
Lured by beautiful artists’ models who made mincemeat of him because of his lack of assertiveness and sweet disposition, his therapy centered around taking initiative to build his business and order his life. Group therapy provided a much-needed team of group peers to help him keep on track.
In the last three years, group members have coached him patiently, helping him develop a website to bring in interior design clients who recognized his immense talent with trompe l’oeil, the art of visual deception. Norman knew how to create elegant hand painted wall reliefs, which turned the dining rooms of private homes into palatial retreats for fine cuisine.
Curbing beer intake and prioritizing art over women in hot pursuit, Norman took the initiative to paint his own studio walls, creating a visual delight for all who entered his business location. Gathering courage, he contacted local channel TV networks, which covered a gallery opening as part of the weekend’s highlights.
Convinced through therapy that beer was his enemy, he began to cut back on alcohol and parties, replacing taxis with biking around the city, until he began to appear clear-headed for therapy, dressed in khakis and freshly pressed shirts. Encouraged by his group, he began monthly gallery parties for fortunate interior designers who were regaled with champagne and caviar at his studio. Little by little his reputation as a sought after artist began to be evident. The business began to thrive about two years ago. Norman added smaller framed works to augment the home mural art that commanded high fees.
But a few months ago Norman allowed himself to be lassoed by Angel, a troubled young woman who convinced him to indulge her in Nassau, where she got him drunk and lured him into making her his business partner. Having helped him disengage from one after another greedy woman, a group member warned, “Don’t give her banking ability. She can clean you out.” But it was too late: the dark eyed vixen had robbed him of his good sense. Controlling him through drink and partying, Angel took control over his staff and his bank account, creating havoc in this tiny, barely surviving business. Norman was in trouble and he knew it. In an emergency session he asked me to help him take control.
“Norman, what does it mean to take the initiative?” You have no time to lose here. “
“I know. I have to tell her to get out of my life; she is dangerous for my business, and me but I feel helpless to fight back. And the designers who have put their trust in me need their jobs completed or I will lose their business. I need to fire her.”
“How about tomorrow?” Norman agreed and, capitalizing on his drive to succeed, got Angel out of his life that week. Worried that she would damage his property, he changed the locks on his studio and his home, remaining stone sober while she tried to lure him back. His tenacity and drive intact, he has put his business back to normal, at least for now.
This article is part of a seven part series on what builds us into resilient people. The heart of resilience is a belief in oneself. Like Norman, who overcame an attention deficit disorder and a drinking problem to succeed in a complex career, resilient people do not let adversity define them. They move towards a goal beyond themselves, thinking of bad times as a temporary state of affairs. If resiliency is the capacity to rise above adversity, Norman is successfully using both individual and group therapy to maintain his initiative, both personally and in business. Dr. Robert Nelson, an expert in executive management, reminds us that sometimes a little perspective on how greater initiative can help someone achieve success is just what the doctor ordered.
To consider: Which areas of your life would benefit from a bit of initiative?
To read: R. Nelson, 1001 Ways to Take Initiative at Work. Workman Publishing. 1999.
(Coche of Stone Harbor educates the public in mental health issues. She can be reached at tcctcs@earthlink.net or 215-735- 1908.)