“I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.”
Shel Silverstein
When Mamie, a generously endowed good friend, lost her husband to death precipitously, I asked her how she was faring. Of course, she missed him terribly. What did she miss most? She actually surprised herself by admitting that what she missed most was cuddling. “I just miss his skinny body next to mine before I drift to sleep and when I awaken. I wish I could rent someone to cuddle with.”
If Mamie lived near a Cuddle Institute, she could, in fact, rent an hour of cuddling. Cuddle Institutes now thrive in New York and San Francisco. No nudity. Just cuddling by appointment for about $1 per minute. Clearly touch-hungry, uncoupled adults have understood the healing power of cuddling, and are going after what they need. Snuggling restores, rejuvenates, and comforts. As one cuddle practitioner says, “Many of my clients leave feeling more energized and at peace—grounded and happier, perhaps.” Travis Sigley, says, “It’s healing. It’s fulfilling a very basic human need.”
Research has long informed us of the power of touch. Dr. Harry Harlow reported that young primates, deprived of cuddling, fail to thrive. Human research indicates that touch can lower blood pressure and heart rate, and boost self-esteem. University of North Carolina research suggests that couples who hug each other for long time periods enjoy increased oxytocin, creating calmness. Oxytocin can also reduce stress, cravings and even addictions. Many experts agree that touch, properly crafted, is as powerful as drug therapies with no known costs or dangerous side effects. Powerful stuff, cuddling.
Some of us are fortunate. We do not need to rent cuddling by the hour. It is as close as our partner. Unfortunately, however, many of us forget to access this built-in gift because life invites us to rush, reducing our cuddling time. Only we can insure that we cuddle, and a bit of good old homemade cuddling, dished out daily, goes a long way towards happiness and well-being.
To continue our theme of Your Marital Feast, I have turned to Julia Child’s masterful recipes for home- cooked French cuisine. Here is my recipe for Crème Fraiche Cuddling, concocted for your happiness and for your health.
Crème Fraiche* Cuddling (Crème Fraîche Câlins)
“Creme fraiche” is a delectably and decadent type of sour cream rich with butter and silky texture. It is comforting and delicious.
Decades ago Dr. Ray Birdwhistle reported that 80 percent of human communication is non-verbal. At the time he sounded eccentric, but I now know he was conservative in his estimate. Our fingers, our lips, our toes are the ways we understand whether and how we are loved by another. To touch the body of a lover is to touch their soul. What can be a better way to start and end a day, if only for minutes, than in the arms of your beloved? To help you remember the power of touch, here are the steps involved. If you have questions on how to touch or be touched, watch a baby, the expert on touch.
Ingredients
• Two clean, awake human bodies
• Comfortable room temperature
• A place of peace and comfort, a bed, a couch, a patch of grass, a beach
• Loving spirits.
• Gentle lighting
• Peaceful frame of mind.
• Eagerness to enter the sacred space of cuddling.
Invite your partner to cuddle with you. If it is a bad time, gracefully take a rain check.
Once you enter the sacred space of “Crème Fraiche Calins,” disregard inevitable interruptions from the media, children and career.
Begin with a smile for the one you love
Refrain from using cuddles to engage in other activities
The whole point of cuddling is the ability to melt away, totally relax your entire body with someone else’s, forget everything else going on in the world.
Thank one another for the pleasure and sanctity of “Crème Fraiche Calins “
Variations in the Recipe for Cuddling
Try snuggling in a Jacuzzi together, allowing the warm, bubbling water to transport you to a place of connection and pleasure
To consider: Do you get my needed dose of lifelong cuddling? If coupled, what might you do to increase the likelihood that my partner will want to snuggle with me? If not coupled, how do you plan to meet your need for human touch?
To read: Julia Child. Juia’s Kitchen Wisdom. New York. Knopf.2000
Dr. Judith Coche owns a practice in Clinical Psychology that works with individuals, couples and families. The Coche Center, LLC is located at Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia, and in Stone Harbor. You can find her at www.cochecenter.com
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