Loving Each Other on Vacation

“No, I want us to go to the beach. I love the beach, especially the patterns the sand leaves as the wind sweeps it into ripples.
“And, I love to swim the waves. I just don’t love my husband, Jack, at the beach. And, the kids drive me nuts! They drag in sand everywhere!”
Colleen sat in our Philadelphia office, pouring out her heart before driving to the (expensive) house they had rented on 103rd Street in Stone Harbor.
“The very time I need this family to work so we can all create beautiful memories, I find myself worrying about all that can go wrong. And, that’s plenty!”
Tawny eyes look into mine. Her lips are pressed together in determination.  “But we’ll make it work… got any tips?”
I smiled. I often hear how disappointed families are after they finish their beach week.
Seven Mile Island does not disappoint them. Their family communication patterns disappoint them as they become glaringly clear when all members share a beach house.
The annual family vacation comes with much anticipation, although mishaps do happen. Colleen was picturing the mishaps.
“So, I read your column when I can. Can you do a piece on how to create a great family vacation? If you do, I’ll show it to my family.” Colleen was in earnest.
“Great idea!” I said. And, I meant it.
As I see it, there are a few basic rules for a great family vacation. They sound simple, but goodwill goes a long way to creating success.
•    Use your words. Skillful communication goes a long distance towards a great family or coupled vacation. “Will you want the outside shower long enough to wash your hair” gets a very different response than “You’ve been in there 17 minutes!” It is wise to sit together before your trip to discuss who has what responsibility and what each of you is expecting from this vacation. How will you spend your days? Will you have some alone time? Do you want/need it?
•    Speak your wishes. What kind of vacation do you want? Do you want relaxation, adventure or romance? Do you want to sleep in or swim at night? Do you want to cook or be pampered? Knowing these things in advance will allow you to plan activities together and separately so you all get what you need. 
•    Be your own advocate. Take good care of yourself so you can enjoy your vacation. This includes getting enough rest, packing things you love to use, drinking more water than wine, and taking good care of your own physical needs.
•    Honor your family travel style. If you think about it, you know your children love to sleep in. And, you know your husband loves running at sunrise. Planning for these patterns indicates to all that you respect each other’s wishes and sets up the day for success.
•    Consider who is present. 
•    Make each other happy.  Create happy times for each member of the family by discussing what each of you wants to do (or not do) and creating these possibilities. Learn to enjoy each other’s preferences in small doses so that each of you gets what you want.
The family vacation is one that is often hyped up. American families have less time together today than ever before. People save money and time to plan for a spectacular week.
Best Place to Be Is Together
Some years ago, I found a little hand painted sign in Millville at a farmer’s market. It said, “The Best Place To Be Is Together”. It hangs in our granddaughters’ room at the beach house across from their bunk beds with monogrammed sleeping bags so they do not have to make their bed each morning.
This little sign tells the real secret of a wonderful family vacation. Keeping priorities straight makes the entire week memorable for all who attend.
Do yourself a favor: keep that little sign in your heart this week. You’ll be glad you did.
To consider: How can I make our family vacation even better? Would it be worth the effort? Of course, it would!
To read: The Couples Communications Workbook. Fifth Edition. If you would like a short guide to family communications, email me at tcctcs@earthlink.net and I can email you the basic communication skills we teach couples and families.
Find Dr. Judith Coche helping families enjoy life at the Coche Center, LLC, a practice in clinical psychology. Reach her through www.cochecenter.com