When watching the Presidential debates one witnesses an enormous amount of arguing points back and forth. Some of the verbiage is quite unbecoming a Presidential candidate, but nevertheless the back and forth arguing often continues throughout the entire broadcast.
My own Jewish tradition has recognized the fact that there will surely be disputes and arguments in life. But proper arguing must be done without treating another person unkindly.
Pettiness and showing no care about another’s views is also not proper arguing. Using obscenities and words that show lack of proper decorum is not in keeping with Jewish tradition.
Perhaps you may have asked whether it is ever permissible to argue with God. Judaism has a rich tradition of calling God to task over human suffering and injustice.
Abraham is the first to do so in the Bible. When learning of God’s intention to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, he tries to change God’s mind, asking: Because there are undoubtedly some good people in the cities, how can God destroy the innocent with the wicked? “Shall not the Judge of all the earth act with justice?” (Genesis 18:25)
Abraham also seems to be arguing on behalf of the evil people. Otherwise, he would have requested that the good people alone be spared. Instead, he appeals to God to save all the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, provided some good people can be found within them.
Arguing with God is perfectly acceptable. I often argue for myself that God would reconsider certain circumstances or that He would make His path clearer to me as I seem sometimes to simply stumble along.
Know that God does not always accede to our arguments. But arguing with Him (while respectfully recognizing God’s authority) is a part of communicating with God with fervor. It is being real with God, giving God a chance to hear and speak to our burdens and feelings, even if by His greater wisdom His path may already be set.
Struggling with God in prayer may produce great blessing. Even when God says “no”, we can know that God has listened to us and considered what we have asked. As with a parent, that can make us love God all the more.
Here is an excerpt from a poem (“If you look at the Stars” by Aaron Zeitlin) that I have always admired and used at my own worship services;
Praise Me or curse Me says God,
And I will know that you love Me.
Raise your fist against Me and revile, says God.
Sing out graces or revile.
Reviling is also a kind of praise, says God.
If you see suffering and don’t cry out,
Then I created you in vain, says God.
Allow me to conclude with my picks for the very best in arguing:
- Be truthful.
- Be slow to anger.
- Never purposefully try to embarrass another person.
- Argue with humility.
- Know your place.
- Be a good listener.
- Be open to the other person’s opinions.
- Avoid petty squabbles.
- Try to end every discussion in a peaceful manner.
- Never argue maliciously.
- Use words to advance your argument but not to hurt your adversary.
Here’s a wonderful piece of advice from Ethics of the Fathers 5:17: “Every dispute that is for a heavenly cause will ultimately endure.” Wishing you a new year of blessing, peace, health and happiness.
The author is Interim Rabbi of Beth Judah Temple, Wildwood.
