Karyn looked terrified. Eyes pointed at her knees to avoid my gaze, she blurted that she felt ashamed because she had been unexpectedly fired in her long-standing career in middle management. Looking incredulous, she angrily told me that she felt unfairly treated: she was skilled at her job, even though she did not like it, and deserved to stay. I waited for Karyn to look up, caught her eye, then tentatively mentioned that the severance package due her would provide time to explore her next life era, which could be a lifetime gift. Neatly dressed and attractive at 57, Karyn struck me as someone who would be good at many things. I wondered aloud if a shift might allow her decades in her next career doing something she loved to do: she was in good health and had a modest retirement fund. This event might be a gift in disguise. Karyn smiled politely but made it clear that she feared for her future. But, since she had no choice, she was eager to figure out her next steps.
“What Color Is Your Parachute” has sold 9,000,000 copies. In it, career guru Richard Bolles suggests constructing stories about one’s life in order to plan for the future. I suggested Karyn work with me to construct the seven stories. In each, she was to think of a time that encouraged her to overcome a personal challenge successfully. We spent 90 minutes constructing her stories, then took a look at them together. After a few stories, Karyn began to feel more confident that her skills could help her create a bright future. To her surprise, at the top of her interest list was gardening: Karyn treasures her prize roses and has long dreamed of helping others grow roses with as much success. With her business skills, she developed a modest business plan, took minimal funds from savings, and start a small consulting firm to home owners. Her new enterprise, “Green Thumb,” broke even in the first year, when Karyn created 20 plus gardens for owners who love her work and planned to return. “Green Thumb” now brings Karyn joy and she is delighted that she traded her business suit for crocs and jeans.
In our 2014 spring series, we will think together about a dynamic concept, Second Adulthood. In this phase of ageing, 50–80, adults can vary and enhance their life after building initial marriages, families, careers and hobbies in earlier adulthood. Mary Catherine Bateson integrates core concepts from sociology, anthropology, human development and philosophy into a life era she calls “Second Adulthood.” This is the age of active wisdom, a time of liberation from antiquated expectations that we become old at 60. This gift of extended lifespans produces decades when adults who, having already had one career or one marriage, can forge paths to build a second period of substantial growth in late adulthood. Bateson understands that early memory and learning can be recycled, informed by new understanding, and put to work in the service of achieving interpersonal integration. Erik Erikson, one of Bateson’s mentors, writes of the final era as the stage of integration, but for Bateson, social science needs to add another life stage to Erikson’s eight stages. Adults can now enjoy a customary early adulthood, a second adulthood and an age of integration. For some, this involves a new career, for others a volunteer position, for still others a new marriage or major relocation. This age of active wisdom, when we are engaged fully with our loves, allows us to integrate earlier themes in life, creating vibrancy.
Please join us as we explore this inspirational world of second adulthood. Whether you are 45 or 75, you too may have decades of time stretching ahead of you. If we approach our future with the freshness of someone opening doors to the future rather than closing doors to the past, we may find a later life filled with curiosity and delight. Let’s consider taking advantage of those invaluable years of life spent collecting “active wisdom,” the ability to understand complex ideas, engage vibrantly with others, and contribute to our world in ways that help people integrate their lives. Like Karyn, perhaps you can make choices about your future that enhance and complete earlier life ideas.
To consider: What feels most important about the rest of the days of your life? Are there dreams and interests you want to pursue? Do you dare? Why? Why not?
To read: Mary Catherine Bateson, “Composing a Further Life: The Age of Active Wisdom,” Knopf, New York, 2010
Dr. Judith Coche is a Clinical Psychologist with special training in human development. At The Coche Center, LLC, she works daily with adults in second adulthood. To reach her, find her at The Coche Center, LLC (www.cochecenter.com), located at Rittenhouse Square and Stone Harbor.
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