‘I’m That Guy: The Matthew Maher Story’

Lately I find myself feeling like a planet that has veered totally out of orbit. My mind is in a constant struggle with some of the disastrous twists and turns of my life. I am perplexed by the once-pristine family portrait, which has a subliminal jagged crack running through it. The new phrases in my common vernacular resonate strangely: “My oldest son is dead; and my youngest son is in prison.”
How could life have turned out this way? It takes deliberate mental gymnastics to process these phrases, and a whole lot more exercise to live the reality of them. These are certainly not the returns I expected for my parental investment.
Yet, oddly enough, it is that very dichotomy that stabilizes me, and directs me back to my faith in God and the higher purposes of a spiritual realm present in this life. It is on that foundation that I am able to find peace in this journey. I am inspired by the example of the apostle Paul, who was beaten, imprisoned, stoned, shipwrecked—and still wrote, “None of these things move me” (Acts 20:24).
Paul’s faith maintained his footing. Likewise, tragedy has given me a face-to-face encounter with the faithfulness of God, and how he acts on behalf of his children in amazing ways. He creates a new portrait born out of the throes of the storm.
Case in point: One year ago, my son Matthew caused a fatal accident while driving under the influence of alcohol. In the ensuing months, he was contacted by the South Jersey Traffic Safety Alliance and asked to speak to students about the impact of his poor decision. A program was created, called “I’m That Guy: The Matthew Maher Story.” Matt was “that guy,” who had achieved on every level from academics to athletics. And now, he will always be “that guy,” who took the life of an innocent man named Hort Kap.
The program had far greater impact than anyone had anticipated. It was presented to over 7,000 high-school and college students in just three months. After each assembly program, Matt was bombarded with “friend requests” on Facebook—e-mails from students, who stated that his testimony changed their minds and their behavior. The judge in Matt’s case watched the program by DVD and was so motivated, he ordered copies be placed in every school in Cape and Atlantic counties.
We were grateful to God that the message was making a difference; perhaps some lives would be saved.
This journey has taught us how to find purpose in unspeakable tragedy. This story is compelling in that it exemplifies the power of forgiveness and redemption in action. The oldest daughter of Kap, Somaly, is now a friend to me and asks about Matt often. She has expressed a desire to have him speak at her son’s school when he is released from prison. I have recently been invited to a baby shower for Kap’s grandchild, whose father is Kap’s oldest son. A gesture so full of grace, it can only be understood from a spiritual vantage point.
This story challenges us to ask ourselves: “Can my faith really sustain me through uncertainty and life-changing trials?” I can testify, along with Somaly, that our faith is the tie that binds and sustains us on opposite sides of this horrific event.
This story is a living example of how bad things can happen to “good” people because “that guy” could be your child, relative, friend or neighbor. It’s about choices, consequences, and how our actions can change countless lives—for better or worse. It’s a story that offers hope and an eternal perspective in navigating the storms that ravage our lives.
Matt has experienced what it means to go from the heights of success to the depths of sorrow. In memory of Hort Kap, we’ve committed to continue the work of this life-saving message. We are posting Matt’s handwritten journals, mailed home from prison, on a Web page, . The page is intended to serve as an encouragement to all who visit. We hope to spread the word that with God’s help, one can find hope in hopeless situations and turn failure into a greater purpose.