#iConviction

I rub the scar on my knee, the residue left behind after surgery to repair a torn ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) and meniscus, and I am reminded that the tragedy I caused began by misunderstanding pain. Like a serpentine river and its many branches, the scar formed of multiple incisions runs down the center of my kneecap. Six years later, these still-numb lacerations are reminders that pain out of perspective is pain without purpose.
After I discovered I had injured my knee in the last professional soccer game I would ever play (though I did not know that at the time), I allowed out-of-perspective pain to leave me without proper perspective. At the time of the injury, I thought, “Woe is me,” which automatically had my future in professional soccer hanging in the balance. I had already weighed my future against the pain and believed I’d never play again. I was right — but not because of my knee injury, but because my out-of-perspective pain led to infinitely greater pain caused by me.
I thought I knew pain on March 1, 2009, the day I tore my knee. I would have said I was well acquainted with pain, that I was familiar with pain, that I understood pain. But just six days later, the early morning of March 7, I would learn about real pain.
March 6 fell on a Friday (as it did again this year), and I was feeling sorry for myself about my possible career-ending injury. So I hit the Philly bar scene with friends. Drinking away my pain. Hours later, I would feel real pain with the realization that I had ended someone’s life. This pain, which is with me as vividly today as it was at that moment, has taught me about my out-of-balance perspective and the arrogant me.
I had missed the major lesson in the minor pain. You see, the initial pain should have humbled me, and I should have limped straight to God with all my pain — physical and emotional.
It didn’t have to come to this. Humility can be learned without tragedy. I challenge others to humble themselves before out-of-perspective pain does it for them. Learn from my negative and make it your positive. That’s the challenge within #iConviction.
I once again rub the scar on my knee, and I am reminded of all that God has healed in my past. This scar has a story to tell about the purpose of pain and sorrow. Scars may be ugly, but God sees a story.
[Matthew Maher is an author and instigator, as well as a former professional athlete. His “Decisions Determine Destiny” assemblies are funded by State Farm and service youth in the tri-state area. He served four years and seven months in N.J. State prison for manslaughter and driving while intoxicated. He was released August 2014. His blogs have been read by over 500,000 people in every state, 121 countries, and in 67 different languages. You can learn more at www.themattmaherstory.com.]