Holden Family Stays Even-Tempered

Like any good parent, Patrick Holden doesn’t want his children making the same mistakes he made growing up.
The son of a venerable coach, Holden is a long-time Lower Cape May Regional High School mathematics teacher who netted more than 1,300 points as a Caper-Tiger in the early to mid-‘80s.
What happened next was an odyssey commonly known as the recruiting of a small town star athlete. First was a brief stop to the northern outpost of Utica, N.Y. Then it was a transfer and two years competing at the former Trenton State College. Holden finally landed a short distance from his Lower Township home when he finished his collegiate playing career with Stockton College.
“I made mistakes coming out of high school,” said Holden. “My biggest focus with my children is ‘don’t make my mistakes.’ I made a bad college choice. It was too far from home. The whole process was new to me and my father.”
Fast forward to last week when the oldest child of Anissa and Patrick Holden surpassed her father’s point total just midway through her junior season. Lauren Holden is a dynamic, hard-working guard for the Caper-Tigers. Her love of the game coupled with tireless workouts and the knowledge instilled by her father and grandfather, George Holden, propelled her into a similar recruiting scenario.
“We sat down and discussed a lot of things,” said Dad. “I told her about my experiences and about playing for different coaches. I told her the coach who recruits you is not always the coach you have in practices and games. The whole universe of schools to choose from shrinks when you start asking the right questions.”
Lauren recently committed to play for Fordham, a Division I, Atlantic 10 Conference School nestled in a suburban setting in the Bronx. The Rams are led by a head coach with local ties in Stephanie Gaitley who was known as Stephanie Vanderslice in her days as an Ocean City basketball star.
“When we made our visits, I’d be evaluating people on campus,” said Patrick Holden, who followed his father’s footsteps and spent 15 seasons as a Caper-Tiger basketball coach. “I’m pretty good at figuring out angles of where people are coming from. Lauren is fortunate. She found a great school. Stephanie Gaitley is a class act. Her rapport with the athletes is exceptional.”
Holden and his spouse also have a 14-year-old son, Patrick; and a 10-year-old daughter, Lindsay. With so much accomplished history of Holden family basketball, Patrick and Anissa decided early on about a clear rule for their household.
“I remember coming home from a bad loss when Lauren was maybe a year old,” said Holden. “I came home feeling very, very dejected. I remember walking up the stairs and picking her up out of her crib and holding her. And I remember thinking, ‘What am I doing right now? There are more important things in life and more important things to me.’ I learned, right then, to keep it in perspective.”
The rule has prevailed to this day. The Holden household, where young Patrick competes for Cape Trinity School and Lindsay pursues the arts and sports, is taught to stay even-tempered and does not allow basketball or athletics to be the focal point.
“I’ve always taught them not to get too high after a win or too low after a loss,” said Holden. “They need to stay even-tempered. We don’t discuss the game afterward. That can wait until the next day’s practice. We don’t bring it home. We’ve learned to keep it in the gym and not dwell on it.”
Lauren acknowledges the wisdom of her father’s advice to stay even tempered. She calls it the best of his and her grandfather’s many suggestions to her over the years.
“Basketball is important to him, me, and my brother,” said Lauren. “But you can’t take it too seriously. If you make a mistake or don’t have a good game you can’t dwell on it. You’re maybe a game away from playing much better. I just work harder to get back on track.”
Patrick Holden still spends plenty of time helping his children and their respective teams. When asked, he’s more than happy to assist with practices. He coaches in AAU ball.
“Lauren’s made an early college decision but I’ve told her she’s only 50 percent of the way there,” said Patrick. “Now she has to figure out a way to contribute. She’s got work to do. At that level there are 12 ladies that can play. You’ve got your education paid for. You’re in the Atlantic 10. You’re going to fly to games. If you want the total experience you’ve got to get on the floor and earn playing time.”
Dad chuckles when he recalls that special night last week when his oldest daughter surpassed his career point total.
“To be honest, I wasn’t thinking anything of it except when people were asking me about it,” he said. “During the course of the game I didn’t even think about it until my father said something. A lot of people razzed me the next day at school. I told people I kept yelling at coach (Scott) Douglas to take her out of the game.”
Lauren dropped an amazing 11 three-pointers that night and it was no accident. Her father has told her since grammar school that, despite her ball-handling and penetration prowess, she would need to improve her perimeter shooting for college basketball.
“I told her in eighth grade that it is very important to shoot well from 20 to 22 feet,” said Patrick. “She’s worked hard at pulling up. We spend an inordinate amount of time working on her game. Hours before every home game she’s in the gym taking 300 extra shots, just stroking the ball time and time again.”
Like her father, Lauren was not focused on her dad’s scoring mark.
“I wasn’t even aware until my coach said something to me after the game,” she said. “It was almost a feeling of disbelief. I was surprised. I definitely could not have done it without my family and my teammates.”
Lauren said her grandfather is always there to help her.
“He’s always looking for ways to improve my game,” she said. “He’ll write up lists. He’s always there. He knows what I need to improve upon. He evaluates my game and I really appreciate his advice.”