Giving a Date to our Sadness

The Jewish year is characterized by an interweaving of two sets of significant days – feasts and fasts. For obvious reasons, the feasts get the most attention. But there is a profound logic, a message and a re-accessing to be found in living according to each.
We are presently rapidly approaching the pinnacle of the fast cycle, with Tisha B’Av (the ninth of Av) looming but Three Weeks ahead. And, as our calendar is as much about transitions as it is about specific occasions, we begin to prepare for this day of national destruction by gradually increasing our (temporary) withdrawal from those actions that make for the burgeoning of life.
The ninth of Av is a sad day in Jewish history but also a sad day period when we look at the failure of us as a culture to stop hatred. On this day we not only mourn the tragedy that has befallen the Jewish people but we also look at the world and its incompleteness and see that we have failed to bring unity and harmony in the world.
The ninth of Av is a day we Jews look at our failure to stop senseless hatred and ask how we got this way and how we can prevent such disaster from continuing. This is why, when looking inward as a community, we look at our relationships as Jews and human beings and how these relationships are affected by our actions and words. We learn that one act of unkindness can destroy something very important that will affect many generations.
In the Talmud they relate a story on the real reason the Temple was destroyed. In the story there is an idea which relates to how individuals behaving badly towards each other can create a disaster for all. The sages understood the causes of the destruction of the Temple and our expulsion into the Diaspora through the story of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa. This is a story of two Jews with senseless hatred. The Talmud states that because of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa, two different people, Jerusalem was destroyed. This sounds like a lot of responsibility but we see ourselves in these individuals.
There was a man who was very good friends with Kamsa and did not get along with another person with a similar name, Bar Kamsa. One time this man made a large banquet and told his servant to invite his friend Kamsa. The servant made a mistake and invited Bar Kamsa.
When the man came to his banquet, he was surprised to see Bar Kamsa sitting there. Not wanting to see his enemy benefiting from his meal, he ordered him to leave. Bar Kamsa, not wanting to be embarrassed, offered to pay for his portion of food. The man refused to accept compensation, and ordered Bar Kamsa to leave.
Bar Kamsa, still not wanting to be embarrassed, offered to pay for half of the expenses of the large banquet. Still the man refused and ordered Bar Kamsa to leave. Finally, Bar Kamsa offered to pay for the entire banquet. In anger, the man grabbed Bar Kamsa with his own hands and physically ejected him from the banquet.
Bar Kamsa said that since there were many Rabbis at the meal and none of them objected to the outrageous behavior on the part of the host, it must be that the Rabbis agreed with this embarrassing episode. Bar Kamsa decided to fix them all. He went to speak with the Caesar (the king of Rome) and told him that the Jews were planning a rebellion against the Romans.
We learn here some very important points of service in worship and our relationships to our fellow Jews. The story ends badly because what the story tries to teach us is that it is not the offering that was not accepted but that the individuals around were not accepting of each other.
What we understand from this tragic tale is that something important was missing when looking at all the religious dictums, the connection to other human beings. In the end all the ritual there failed because it placed a higher degree of importance on ritual over the relationships of others in the community.
The story is clearly an allegory for what Judaism lacks then and now, a respect for difference and disagreement. We are told to stand strong and be proud of our faith but we also must counter this with our love and respect for others. When using the term “respectfully disagree”, often many people focus on the disagreement and not the respect. Judaism asks us to live by our faith, but we must also live with others or the faith shall die.
On Tisha B’Av often we turn inward with our pain and recognize our failures as Jews and human beings that led to this destruction of our Temple. Let the story of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa be a clarion call for unity in the time of strife so we can build something good out of the ashes of something bad.
We are told that senseless hatred destroyed the Beit HaMikdash. Let us recognize that all hatred that causes destruction is always senseless hatred and one cannot build when they use hatred to destroy. Tisha B’Av teaches us that on the day of our Temple’s destruction the Messiah will be born. Some interpret this as an analogy to teach us that at a time of great destruction, love and compassion can be exhumed from the ashes of hatred. Let us turn from the ashes of our destruction to rebuild a better community and a stronger faith.
This year I dealt with tragedy from the loss of my dad and the sadness of spending Father’s Day without a father. We recognize tragedy as loss and the failure to have corrected mistakes from the past. As I contemplate my dad and remember the good but also the bad that comes with being human I often think of the words between us that remained unsaid.
There are so many words I wish he had said to me that he did not, and words that I could have said to him, but I did not. Tish B’Av is more than commemorating the tragedy of senseless hatred but also forgotten words said between those people we love. Take this day to learn from our past as we commemorate our sadness.
May we all learn from this chilling episode in our Jewish history and remember that our behavior is of extreme importance. May we, through the good will and cheerful help that we are able to give to another fellow human help us to see the rebuilding of the Temple swiftly in our days. One person can make a difference in building or destroying something special. Take to heart that with a connection to one person we begin the foundation for our Temple and a renewal to the entire world.
Rabbi Jeffrey Lipschultz is the spiritual leader of Beth Judah Temple in Wildwood and he welcomes your comments at dvjewish@rof.net