Forget the List, We’re Calling Anyway

Ah, sweet, golden autumn is in the air. Anyone can tell, even creatures. Black birds are migrating in masses; you can hear them in trees, chirping as if to say, “Eat all you can while you can, it’s a long way south where it’s warm.” To be sure, there will be masses of bird-watchers rubbing elbows with each other in Cape May Point at the state park and on the hawk platform as they peer skyward to watch the southbound migration.
Birds are the lucky ones, you know. They don’t have telephones, and they can leave whenever the temperature is right. Speaking of telephones, has your phone been ringing off the hook lately with numbers you don’t know?
If the NSA, CIA, FBI or ABC or any other alphabet-soup outfit were snooping into my home phone (Heaven knows why they’d want to, but who can tell anymore?) they might wonder about all those unanswered incoming calls from California and Florida and who knows where else?
Remember all the hullaballoo about the “Do Not Call Number?” What a joke that is. We listed our phone at home as well as cell phones, and still we get bothered at all hours with obnoxious calls. One of the advantages to our present telephone service is that we have a means by which we can see, on the television screen, who is calling. That way, it’s really easy to ignore calls from that string of numbers.
My better half, plainly irked at the string of callers, will often answer in disgust. Those calls usually go something like “Hello…” (followed by about 15 seconds for a response). “What is this in reference to?… He’s not here and we’re not interested…” Her expression changes from sour to angry. Trained talkers on the other end are paid not to quit jabbering. “I said he is not home and we are not interested.” They continue. Down goes the phone. Blood pressure is up, I can tell by her expression.
A short while later, the phone will again ring. It’s the same or a similar number. We try to ignore it, and leave it unanswered. That must simply make a check mark in the computer and it orders a recall in about a half hour.
In complete dismay, my better half will answer in the same pleasant way… “Take my number off your list…Did you hear what I said? Take…our…number…off…your…list.” Bang! It’s like talking to the wind.
I’ve overhead her telling the other side of the conversation “I can’t even understand you.” Other times, she will tell me they plead immunity from the “Do Not Call List” because they are taking a survey, and they are not selling anything. Face it, the end result is the same, we are getting unsolicited telephone calls from people with whom we do not wish to speak. Is there no remedy for this common malady?
Oh yes, I forgot to mention, another feature of our telephone service is to block up to a dozen telephone numbers of repetitive undesirable calls. Well, friend, that feature was maxed out in about five minutes. Adding insult to injury are “foreign” telephone numbers that cannot be blocked. I can tell they are not from America based on the readout on the website. I imagine they are from a computer robot center in Novokuznetsk, Siberia’s sixth largest city. If the calls are not from there, maybe they are being placed from the palace of that dethroned Nigerian prince who keeps sending emails telling me all I have to do is send my account number and he’ll wire me a few million dollars just for being a nice guy.
Then too, bothersome calls can easily be laid at the feet of political campaigns. Their prohibition was cleverly excluded from the “Do Not Call List.” I wonder why? One such call in the last few weeks sounded so official, my dearest was almost going to hand over the phone since it was allegedly from the senator’s office. Then, the call ended, and I never received a return call. He has my number when he wants to talk to me, and I have his, too.
For the record, my mail ballot was sent Sept. 21. If you don’t believe me, call the Cape May County Clerk’s Office. Sorry, if any political person or campaign worker reads this, do me the favor, cross my name off your list. Save your precious resources for someone your party can convince, because my vote has been cast. Take my name off the mailing list, and send the slick literature to someone who has yet to decide. As good old Julius Caesar reportedly uttered Jan. 10, 49 BC as he led the Roman army across the Rubicon River, “Iacta alea est!” Yes, the die has been cast.
How fortunate are those migrating birds at this time of year. All they have to do is fatten up for the flight south. All we have to do is endure until after the election war is over, then, maybe, the phone will stop ringing and peace will again return to the boundaries of our pleasant land.