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Doomsday Just a Month Away

By Jack Fichter

As you may have read from various sources, the Mayan calendar ends Dec. 21, 2012, so if that is correct; we are one month away from the end of our planet.
Some have predicted Planet X, also known as Niburu, will come our way, possibly hitting Earth. It may actually be a big spaceship, according to others. Hopefully, it is the Starship Enterprise and we will meet Captain Kirk or Picard.
Some have predicted our planet will flip over bringing the South Pole up to where the North Pole is today and vice versa. Apparently the magnetic poles of earth have shifted in the ancient past, so if you find your recliner chair on the ceiling Dec. 21 and your cat hanging from the drapes, it has happened.
New agers have predicted some sort of enlightenment for us all on that date. We will all wake up from the slumber we have been in caused by watching “Dancing with the Stars” and “The Voice,” and become peaceful and kind.
In any case, if doomsday is Dec. 21, there is no point in shopping for Christmas because we won’t be here on Dec. 25 and all the stuff we bought will be found by some future astronauts from a faraway planet who land on the remains of Earth trying to determine if any beings ever lived here.
They will wonder what your flat screen TV was used for and take a sample of your reindeer sweater for analysis.
In case you haven’t heard evangelist Jim Bakker is back on television and he is predicting the apocalypse any day now. He is selling freeze-dried food, generators and solar panels so you can survive doomsday. That way when bands of marauders come to your house, they can take all your dehydrated food and generators at gunpoint.
I’ve been expecting the end of the world for at least 40 years. I worked in religious broadcasting for 15 years and those folks have turned the end of the world into a fund raising industry.
I’d prefer everything to just go pop and it’s all gone as opposed to having a nuclear war or being drawn into a black hole.
If you are a fan of writer Douglas Adams’s “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,” you know he predicted our planet to be blown up to make room for a sort of space highway bypass. Nothing personal, we are just in the way of progress, sort of like condemning a house in the way of a new highway exit for a Wal-Mart.
How should we prepare for doomsday? I think we should have a nice outfit for the day, maybe a safari jacket and some sort of sturdy hat and for heaven’s sake, some comfortable shoes.
You may want to have a battery-powered radio because the Internet will be the first thing to go on doomsday because we know it won’t even stay on during a hurricane.
I cannot decide if I should run my credit cards up to the limit and buy all the stuff I have always wanted knowing I will never have to make the first payment or not do a darn thing for the next 29 days.
As I have mentioned in previous columns, I have always planned to buy an expensive car 30 days before the end of the world. As the years have passed, I have changed the model of car I wanted for my doomsday car. For years, it was a Ford Thunderbird, today, it is a Nissan 370Z.
We don’t know what time of day the end will come on Dec. 21, so I’m not sure what time I should get out of bed that day. I believe that is payday here at the Herald, so I will probably come to work in my end-of-the-world outfit. I can’t decide if I should bring my lunch that day. I hate to waste lunch meat.
According to National Geographic, the end of the world prediction was found on only one “stone tablet on Monument 6 at the Tortuguero archaeological site in Mexico’s Tabasco state.”
“What exactly the tablet says, though, is a mystery, because the glyphs in question are partially damaged,” wrote National Geographic.
That’s sort of like the Mel Brooks movie where Moses is given 15 commandments from God on three stone tablets and he drops one of the tablets and announces he has Ten Commandments for the people.
If you want to see how much time is left go to this website: doomsdayclock2012.com

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