Curiosity: How Do Happy Adults Think?

Snow white hair clipped crisply in an angular cut that fell jauntily over her forehead, Jan’s blue eyes looked straight ahead as she delivered carefully chosen words.
From my spot across the marble coffee table that picked up the grey-white in her stunningly thick, rod-straight hair, I noted how intent she was on figuring out her next best move in life. Her eyelids flickered as she thought aloud, “Being part of the women’s therapy group is a good idea,” she reflected, “and the other women would be great to know, but it is hard to speak up in a group.”
And suppose the group was a disappointment and she had agreed to be in it for 11 months? Then what? But on the other hand, she was so jazzed about being in this group since she had heard from other clients how powerful our groups are. If she did not join, she was sure she would miss something. Much as she hated to admit it, she was extremely curious about the other members’ stories and lives. She shook her head ever so slightly as she weighed her momentous decision. Joining this group was a big commitment that involved monthly travel and some expense. Should her curiosity trump her caution? or should she call this shot conservatively?
Jan’s thoughts wandered aloud, taking me into her life before therapy. She mused that, although she valued her curiosity, it often led her into complicated life situations, like during the early years of her pet-friendly Victorian bed and breakfast. A pioneer in pet-friendly lodgings, Jan had thought through the risks and opted to try to include well-behaved dogs in her historical home. To insure mortgage money, she built three private suites for paying guests, allowing them to bring dogs they assured her were well behaved. She then reminded herself how frightening it was to decide to finance part of her daughter’s PhD when she had insufficient funds to pay her own mortgage after her husband left so suddenly. But she confirmed that she was glad she did, because the PhD was making her daughter so happy.
And now here sat Jan on the precipice of the next era in her life—the era of a second adulthood. The jackpot question she faced was whether to try to date after years spent avoiding men who found her stunning. And she was curious to travel to Asia as a single woman above the age of 60, but family was warning her of the dangers. And, most terrifying was that she worried she might not have enough money to last her lifetime. So, she figured she had good reasons to be part of a group where she could talk things through. Yes, she would join this group and maybe, just maybe, she would go to Asia in 2015.
I smiled as I thought admiringly of Jan’s curiosity as a guiding force in her life. I had been delighted to find the work of Kashdan on the curious mindset. He defines curiosity as “recognizing, embracing, and seeking out knowledge and new experiences. We remain open to new stimulation and even actively look for them. The curious part of us is comfortable with potential frustration in finding what is new and different.”
We can be curious about both unknown and familiar things. Curiosity can be fleeting or it can be a central part of our identity, contributing to long-term fulfillment. When topics or people peak our interest, we push through the anxiety we may feel when we take risks, deciding to pursue what interests us. From this we learn, grow, and feel satisfied with our lives. Research indicates that curiosity may even help our brains develop new neural connections, reducing our risk for diseases like Alzheimer’s, as well as correlating with better social relationships.
Curious people often report finding meaning in their lives. The curious part of us stretches us to take a new job, open ourselves to new skills, date new partners, travel to new places. Curiosity invites us to ask why something is done in a particular way, challenge the status quo, and connect ideas in new ways, creating progress for each of us and for our world. Curiosity is at the very foundation of creativity. Just as Jan finds her own pathway to happiness by daring to try new things that make her curious, so can we all.
Do you?
To consider: What might I gain by allowing myself to experience new things? How might I feel happier if I allow myself to follow my curiosity? Is it worth it?
To read: T. Kashdan. “Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life .” HarperCollins. New York, 2009.
Judith Coche, PhD, is author of Your Best Life, Pathways to Happiness. She owns The Coche Center, LLC, a practice in Clinical Psychology, Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia, and Stone Harbor. She can be reached at www.cochecenter.com.