Calendars, Are They’re Doomed Forever?

Each year, it is becoming more difficult to give away calendars. I know, May 16 is hardly a time to think about calendars, but just last week, I had to toss six untouched 2012 calendars into the recycling bin. Nobody wanted them.
There was a time, not too awfully distant, when people who virtually kiss the feet of those bearing them a calendar, not any more. Why is that? I blame computers, and why not, they are taking away much more of what we once cherished.
In my teen years, working as a “printer’s devil” at the Cape May Star and Wave, I was indoctrinated in the importance of the calendar printed in the back shop and given to just about every soul in Cape May. Life there, it seemed, could not continue into the new year unless there was an Albert Hand Company calendar to chart the days ahead.
First it was Matlack Funeral Home, then successor Radzieta Funeral Home that became the official calendar provider to just about everyone in Court House. No matter where you went, you’d see those iconic think paper calendars, that came in the mail tightly rolled, with huge dates and a line drawing of the establishment on Hand Avenue. I remember unrolling them, and checking to see what upon day my birthday would fall, then other less important dates.
I’m sure more funeral homes around the county did likewise in their respective communities.
How many times I would overhear someone, perhaps who did not get out as often as I did, say, “If you see a calendar, would you pick one up for me?”
Then came the computer, then cell phones, then clocks that told not only the time, but the day and date.
Why trouble yourself with one of those oversized desk calendars? With a click of a mouse, you can add appointments to your computer months in advance, and click “Repeat” as often as you’d like far into the future, farther, perhaps, than the days of our mortal lives.
At work, I encounter many public relations persons whose clients pay big bucks to print calendars. They offer a calendar or two “Or as many as you want, I have loads of them.” What can you say to someone offering free calendars? Now it’s May, and almost half the year is shot. If you haven’t figured out your birthday or anniversary by now, dare I say you have missed the boat.
There are slick marketers, especially among summer rental agents, who figured out a few years back that their clientele drops in mid year, so they print calendars that begin on June 1 and continue until next June 1. Pretty smart, don’t ya think?
Why then, did I feel a touch of guilt tossing those perfectly good calendars last week? They didn’t cost me a cent. They had some really pretty photographs of New Jersey beaches, one for each month, but nobody wanted them.
The feminine movement was responsible for “cleaning up” calendars that used to grace gas stations, barber shops and greasy garages. They were those “girlie,” bawdy pin-up type calendars with big color photos and small dates that advertised such male necessities as spark plugs and air filters. They’d be banished today, classified as “politically incorrect” and tossed into the recycling bin as soon as they were opened (after a very careful glance, I’m sure).
Calendars that show the tides and moon phases are still relevant to folks who have strong connections with the outdoors. Yes, there remain a stalwart few who refuse to plant certain vegetables in any other way than “by the moon.” So, if they planned to put in onions, and the calendar showed the moon phase was incorrect, they would put off that activity until the moon phase was correct.
I have a clock that tells the moon phase. No, I’m not a farmer or fisherman, but I like to be well armed that, near the time of full moon, really odd happenings can be expected, and far more, shall we say, uncouth and uncultured things are likely to grace the raw Spout Offs that must be read. If you don’t believe anything else, believe in the full moon to produce really off the map Spout Off submissions, because it does.
Certain things remain unchanged regardless of the year. Take the Cape May County 4-H Fair, for instance. Since Noah let loose the critters from the ark, when the dirt was still damp, the fair has been the third Thursday, Friday and Saturday in July. Set your year by it.
Those dates have not erred once since farmers, who are now considered old men, were in 4-H themselves, raising pigs and sheep and veggies to enter. That’s consistency.
Odd how things happen, after I had the body of this column written, at the freeholder’s meeting, someone asked Lenora Boninfante, county communications director, if she had any more county calendars. No, she replied, they were all given out. None were left to give to late seekers. Shows you, there well may be a demand for certain calendars after all.
In a few fleeting years, paper calendars will likely be squeezed from existence. When we make our doctor’s and dental appointments, they will be done on computer. When we list our vacations, no longer will they be penciled in with our names on a gas company advertisement, they will be on a computer screen with a different color line for each of us.
Calendars may be relegated to vanity photo gifts we hapless photographers, bereft of other ideas, give to those we think will appreciate our images. What proud parent or grandparent could reject a calendar with the newest child or grandchild’s photos?
Until next year, mark off the days with a pen or pencil, it’s something you can’t possibly do on a computer screen.