Back to School in a New Day and Age

“School days, school days
“Dear old Golden Rule days
“Readin’ an’ writin’ an’ ‘rithmetic
“Taught to the tune of a hickory stick…
So goes the iconic tune “School Days (When We Were a Couple of Kids)” from 1907 by Will Cobb and Gus Edwards.
While it is likely a politically incorrect, and potentially illegal thing to muse, no less write about, coming as it does on what is either the first or second day of most schools in Cape May County, it’s the target of today’s “lesson.”
How far schools have come is nearly impossible for the average grandparent to comprehend. Even parents of school children must have a tough time trying to understand the latest methods that endeavor to impart knowledge to the young generation.
Golden Rule? Would that be metric or English measure? Oh, THAT one, like, “Do unto others as you would have done to you?” That’s so old fashioned; we don’t need that anymore. It‘s everybody for himself, you know that. It may be old, but it’s still true 100 percent, and this world could use Golden Rule in mega-doses.
Writing may be redefined, since there seems little use for penmanship in the future. As long as there’s a keyboard, who needs a pen? When is the last time you received a hand-written piece of correspondence? The only hand-written items I see are short Spout Offs sent on shreds of paper in shaky hand. That proves their authors must be elderly, since young folks don’t put pen to paper and submit Spout Offs.
A hand-written envelope received in the mail will surely be opened first when I fetch the “snail mail” from the box out front.
Reading is still necessary to understand directions, but it seems even toddlers no longer need directions to figure out electronic gadgets like cell phones, remote controls, games and more. But they are definitely up a tree when it comes to reading a complex set of instructions for assembling a piece of furniture. That’s why they usually accompany such directions with drawings.
Even lax spellers need no longer fear dreaded Friday spelling tests. Why bother? That’s what spell checkers are for on computers. (We all know from face-reddening experiences sometimes those amazing devices can cause great embarrassment.) Take for instance the poor editor of the Brigham Young University newspaper who spell-checked the front page story about the church’s new “apostles.” I can empathize with that unfortunate soul. The spell checker, for some reason, switched “apostles” to “apostates” and it slipped through every other editor. Hey, both are correctly spelled words, so they could not blame Charlie Computer.
It’s my understanding there was a mad scramble around the campus to snatch all copies of that edition up before any erring soul got to read the story. I will let the reader figure out what was so terrible about that little spelling error.
Arithmetic? Today it’s referred to as “math” since spelling A-R-I-T-H-M-E-T-I-C is such a drag, and M-A-T-H rolls off the tongue much quicker and easier. I have listened to my dear granddaughter try to explain the new method used in arriving at an answer involving figures. Good luck to parents or, worse, gray heads like me, who are figure-challenged, and lucky to have learned the nine times tables when that gray matter worked lots better than today.
My advice? If the youngsters are calculating, leave them alone. Don’t try to help unless you fully understand (good grief!) the latest way to do numbers. Adding up a long column of numbers in one’s head? Forget it.
Most amazing to me is that, regardless of the new, and almost impossible method of getting an answer, nine times out of ten, it’s the same as the old way (which, of course) seems much easier.
Use of a “hickory stick” in today’s classroom by a teacher to correct a wise crack or punish an infraction would bring a bevy of ACLU attorneys, teachers’ union representatives and a drawn-out night meeting of the board of education trying to plot the agonizing fate of the teacher who cracked that stick.
Physical punishment, as anyone who attended an old-time Catholic school would tell us, was part and parcel of the daily routine. A snippy remark in the presence of a Sister or Brother might bring a crack across the hand, or more humiliation of standing in a corner or in front of the class.
While most of those who had such treatment imparted upon their hands or other parts of their anatomy would probably agree, it stung the pride more than the skin, and taught a life-long lesson. Spare the rod, spoil the child? You get the idea. Somehow a “time out” for a youngster to ponder his or her evil ways just doesn’t impart the same pointed lesson, but hey, that is just another difference between yesterday and today.
Book bags are the bane of modern students. Sometimes I wonder how those wee lads and lasses can walk forward with the loads they carry on their backs. Some, it would seem, would be better balanced to have half the weight in a front bag as a counterweight to the one in the back.
How can that be, given all the electronic gadgets that exist today? Why are there still heavy books to lug? Why don’t schools simply use iPads or tablets or pills or whatever they are called to load the pupils’ reading material? Take that a step farther and ask why colleges still peddle books when the same could be downloaded to a retinue of gadgets that could be filled with educational words by professors?
Study hard. Learn well. There are countless children in the world who would love an education, but who will never have the opportunity. Make the most of what is afforded by your community.