“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.” – Oscar Wilde
As I write this, I see the date, Jan. 9, and I remember. Twenty-six years ago today, my first late husband died at about 7:30. I should know. I lovingly closed his eyes and became his too-young widow after just about a quarter of a century of the best marriage one could wish for.
Dr. Erich Coche, of Rittenhouse Square and Stone Harbor, succumbed to an eight-month cancer battle that left all who knew him screaming inside at the sometimes unfairness of life, yet we were awed by his acceptance of premature death with the grace and wisdom that was his hallmark.
Death is inevitable, but not easy for those involved. For me, Erich led the pack, but recently, four Seven Mile Island friends of 40 years have followed.
I never intended to think of The Yacht Club of Stone Harbor as a premier location to celebrate longevity, but so it is. Chief host, Peter Miner, consistently throws a memorable “do.” His formula of impromptu speeches, hugs, humor, sumptuous food and bubbly encourages huddling and laughing together to celebrate the rich, long lives of our island regulars.
After a 10-year absence prompted by grieving Erich, and playing with new husband John Anderson on our Maryland farm, I enticed John to Stone Harbor by promising him a boat. As soon as we returned in 2004, I organized a potluck and a movie, a small group of old friends who wanted to envelop my new husband into the fold of camaraderie and offbeat teasing that was our hallmark. They had loved Erich and I predicted they would love my dead-pan, quick-witted husband, John.
Recently, John and I noted that from this small group of eight couples, we have recently lost three of the men. First came Dr. John Tucker, a steely-eyed, often silent bastion of wisdom, kindness and good-humored fun. Decade after decade, he charmed those he elected to befriend and many others who wished they knew him better.
A bit later, we lost Phil Comerford. Phil was unlike any other man John and I have known: a tall, handsome, wryly sarcastic, twinkly-eyed mischief maker, Phil could simultaneously command admiration for his intellect, and startle with his stunningly humorous comments. He could also soothe. I can still hear his booming voice echoing through the dining room of the club as he led us in grace.
Two down and, sadly, two more friends to go.
Next came Capt’n Jim. One of the finest men I have ever met, Jim Wren gently worked his way into the hearts of most he met. Quietly unassuming, he allowed Karin, his blonde, blue-eyed, pixie bride of 30 years, to be his frontwoman. As she charmed a crowd, Jim stood back with his quiet smile, talking with John or another friend. Mentor to many young sailors, his quiet brilliance delighted all who knew him.
So, we lost three. Could that please be enough?
But no. Next, death would grab Gail Noble, a powerhouse with a huge heart and ever-active brain. Gail has impacted more people than she and understated husband Tim would ever acknowledge.
On Dec. 30, an overflowing crowd packed St. Mary’s Church in Stone Harbor. As I listened to the Nobles’ wedding vows from First Corinthians, I was not surprised to learn that John and I spoke the same wedding vows, and as the unforgettable service ended, we celebrated the strength of families by joining the Noble family in singing their unforgettable Unicorn Song, with hand motions.
As I left, I reflected on the wisdom of lifelong dedication to family and friendships shared by Gail and Tim Noble, Jim and Karin Wren, Phil and Diana Comerford, and John and Mary Jane Tucker. It is well known that friendship and family strength counterbalance the social isolation that endangers older adults by weakening intellect and verve.
To honor these lives is to celebrate a community that generates long friendships and strong families.
Life really doesn’t get any better than this.
To consider: As we enter 2018, who burns brightly for you as friends to cherish? Have you told them? If not, why not?
To read: A Friend is Someone Who Likes You. 1958. Harcourt Brace. Joan Walsh Anglund. This book, written for the child in us, celebrates its 50th anniversary with good reason. Read. Then read again, slowly.
Find Dr. Judith Coche laughing with friends and helping clients transform lives at The Coche Center, LLC, at Rittenhouse Square and in Stone Harbor. Reach her through www.cochecenter.com.
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