Are You An Extrovert or an Introvert?

“Your tendency to be inward-directed or outward-directed is huge; it governs every part of the way you live and work and love.” Susan Cain       
Leslie sat looking pensive as she wondered aloud whether she was an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert. She loved friends but was actually shy and wanted desperately for others to seek her out so that she did not have to make new friends. “I’m very choosy,” she explained. “I select one or two people that I might want as a friend and if they ignore me I feel devastated and they don’t even know!”
Leslie had grown up without close friends. Her sister had dominated her life and had required loyalty at all costs. “Now that I am an adult I find it hard to make friends, even though I am often the life of the party. It would really help me to know whether I am genuinely outgoing or more of a quiet type of person, as I suspect.”
To help Leslie figure out her place on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, I excerpted key ideas from Susan Cain’s work on characteristics of introversion. Choose the answer that applies to you most often:
1. I prefer one-on-one conversations to group activities.
2. I often prefer to express myself in writing.
3. I enjoy solitude.
4. I dislike small talk, but I enjoy talking in depth about topics that matter to me.
5. I enjoy work that allows me to “dive in” with few interruptions.
6. I prefer not to show or discuss my work with others until it’s finished.
7. I do my best work on my own.
8. I tend to think before I speak.
9. I feel drained after being out and about, even if I’ve enjoyed myself.
10. I’d prefer a weekend with absolutely nothing to do to one with too many things scheduled.
The more often you answered ‘true,’ the more introverted you probably are.
But Leslie, like many of us, has some characteristics of being outgoing and other qualities of being quite private so classification is not easy. Sophia Dimpling, author of “The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,” agrees that a lot of introverts can pass as extroverts.” In her article in the Huffington Post, she listed a number of signs of introversion. I chose some to help you see how you answer true or false:
1. You find small talk to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance because it feels disingenuous.
2. You often feel alone in a crowd and may feel like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even with people you know.
3. Networking is unpleasant because you crave authenticity in your interactions.
4. You’re easily distracted. Clark University researchers suggest in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology that introverts are more easily distracted than extroverts and, therefore, prefer relatively unstimulating environments.
5. Downtime allows you to recharge your batteries. Introverts need time alone to feel whole. You may love to write your thoughts to feel creatively charged. You love to be alone with your thoughts.
6. You prefer meeting people on an individual basis than giving a talk in public or acting.
7. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long. Because social activity feels like an energy drain, you may need to replenish yourself in a quiet environment. 
8. You’d rather be an expert at one thing than trying to do everything. The dominant brain pathways introverts use allows you to focus and think about things for a while, so you prefer to do intense study and to develop expertise.
9. You seem wise to people because you prefer to think first and act later. Introverts observe and take in a lot of information; they think hard and can be analytical.
10. You look at the big picture rather than facts and details, with a mind for more abstract concepts. 
Leslie decided that she is an extroverted introvert. She needs her quiet time, loves to write, is basically analytical, and avoids parties when she can. But when in public she manages to seem outgoing and genuinely interested in others. And, she decided that this is the way she likes to live. This knowledge allows her to feel less self-critical in her reticence to seek new friends.
To consider: How about you? Do you, like Leslie, prefer to be alone much of the time? Do you make a good impression to others even though you need to recover after a social gathering? Do you prefer to be curled up with a good book to hanging out with friends at a bar? And, if you do is that ok with you? Why or why not?
To read: “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” (Crown, 2012) by Susan Cain.
Find Dr. Judith Coche working with extroverts and introverts in Stone Harbor and at Rittenhouse Square. Reach her through  www.cochecenter.com.