How many times in life have you been in a “tight spot” because of the inability to simply say, “No?” Few ever practice looking in a mirror and verbalizing, “N…O! N…O!!”
No is a very unpopular word. We learn to dislike the two-letter word early in our days. Our newest granddaughter Sheilla is at that stage right now. Just learning to stand alone and walk a few steps by herself, she sees things on end tables, like cell phones and TV remote controls. Of course she wants them, because she notices how everyone uses them, and she wants one too. “No, you can’t have that,” is what she hears routinely.
As days melt into years that merge into decades, there are times we even may hate to utter the word. How many nasty arguments have been spawned by utterance of “No!” to a teenager by a loving and caring parent? We’ve all witnessed the scenario: Teen asks parent’s permission to “Go to the movies” or “Go to the mall” or “Go hangout with my friends.” Parent replies, nonchalantly, “no.” Next utterance is the second most parent-despised word in the vernacular, “Why?” A sigh of exasperation probably follows, “Because I said so.” “Why, I’m no baby, I can make up my own mind, I already told them I could go…”
As Rev. Billy Graham’s TV program was titled, so comes the parent’s “Hour of Decision.” Should they stick with their decision (i.e. NO!) or should they cave in, (i.e. “Oh, I don’t care, go ahead!”) not wanting to bruise their tender relationship with their own flesh and blood?
It’s been many moons since I’ve been in either position, but many times, the lad or lass is secretly hoping Mom or Dad will say “No” because they didn’t want to take the rap for not doing what their friends wanted them to do. A solid “NO!” from a parent helps the teen save face by pushing the blame onto their elders. As in the Orient, maintaining “face” is very important to teens.
Let’s take a look at what may transpire after a “cave in” by the loving parent.
The “party” has some sinister aspects, perhaps illicit alcohol and/or drugs of some sort, and I’m not talking aspirin or stomach remedies. Or there may be some “goings on” in lonely rooms where the young participate in shenanigans that could have some life-altering effects.
Let’s fast forward a few months or maybe sooner. If there is communication between teen and parent, something we all hope exists, teen admits to parent taking drugs or becoming a young father or mother before high school graduation. All of a sudden, the world stops. Parent starts into an egg-beater mode of what to do now. There may be options, perhaps there are none.
Then, if parent stops to think long enough, what would have been the real virtue in simply restating “NO!” and meaning it, no compromise, no feeling sorry or sad, just plain “NO! and No means No!” How much better off their worlds would have been had the one-syllable word been stated and followed.
Leaving that one to contemplate, how many are guilty of this one?
You’re an upwardly mobile person. You want to succeed in the shortest possible time frame. Whether it’s the boss or a good friend, a pastor or gym pal, the end result may be the same. They ask you to either join some organization or undertake a project about which you have some misgivings. You toss caution to the four winds and accept the offer. At first all goes well.
Then you start to get push-back from your spouse or partner. By this time, you’re committed, boxed in, painted into a corner, call it what you will. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and you are heading out one more time, and you’d really rather be home reading “War and Peace.” You can’t because you made a promise.
At that point in your life, you have just learned the real importance of saying “No!” Had you not accepted the appointment or commission or whatever it is, someone else would likely have gotten the job, but instead of them, it’s you.
You promise yourself, “If I ever get in this position again, I’m simply going to say ‘NO!’”
This New Year is only a couple of weeks old; it’s not too late to reform, to start anew. Look in that bathroom mirror. If you have to, take hand to mouth, push a little from the sides and force the word out, “N…O. N…O.” It will really save you grief in the coming days.
Cape May – Governor Murphy says he doesn't know anything about the drones and doesn't know what they are doing but he does know that they are not dangerous. Does anyone feel better now?