I came across yoga a few weeks back after I think I pulled a leg muscle.
I was hauling firewood or some other guy thing, and I hadn’t been able to shake off the hurt.
I say that I “think” I pulled a leg muscle because I’m not sure if it was a leg muscle or my knee that I hurt but, being a real guy, I don’t go to doctors, so I had to rely on my own guesstimate.
I tried shaking off the injury the way my old little league coach, the Yogi de Sade, always advised.
When that didn’t work, I tried walking it off.
But when a couple of boy scouts offered to help me across the street since I was hobbling so bad, I realized that that therapy wasn’t taking either.
Next, I tried applying some stuff we had hidden in the back of the medicine cabinet.
The stuff made my nostrils flare, my eyes water, and my skin burn.
In spite of all those promising outward indicators of healing, the goop didn’t do anything.
I finally tried putting a back plaster on my leg but all that accomplished was that I had to rip out about a million hairs on my leg when I finally yanked it off in frustration.
Of course, my friends are all medical experts and each offered a diagnosis ranging from brain tumor to ingrown toenail.
Even though I felt each and every one of the symptoms as they described them in exquisite detail, feeling every twinge, itch, and ache immediately upon hearing them described, none of their keen insights helped me.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, men die on an average of six years earlier than women.
Now you can make your cheap joke about men dying sooner than women because they tend to marry them, but the truth may be that many men die sooner than they should because they feel the same aversion about the medical profession that motivates me to wear garlic necklaces whenever I accompany someone to get their blood “worked.”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” So I hobble.
Finally, I compromised.
I’m still not willing to subject myself to a round of poking, prodding, and bloodletting, but I have decided to try taking better care of what’s left of my body.
I started doing the yoga.
The household dogs love it.
The sight of me, vulnerable on the floor, twisted up like a pretzel, is usually too tempting for them to resist joining in, so my morning stretches inevitably turn into free for all canine capers.
I will say this.
The amount of laughing I do during these sessions is probably better for my physical condition than the actual exercises.
There is a push on to establish a Federal Office of Men’s Health within the Department of Health and Human Services.
Now the government is going to tell me that I have to have a digital rectal exam every year.
I thought the IRS already handled that?
Anyway, the leg is feeling better.
I still don’t know what’s actually wrong with the leg but I do know that I prefer delegating my health care responsibilities to the dogs than to the government.
The William J. Moore Scholarship Foundation is holding a fundraiser on Sat. at 6 p.m. at the Wildwood Convention Center, Burk Avenue and the boardwalk.
The event includes a buffet dinner and entertainment from the Sensational Soul Cruisers. There will also be a cash bar.
Tickets cost $60 and are available at the Center for Community Arts, 712 Lafayette St, Cape May.
For more information, call Alice Vasser at 898-2252.
For more information about the scholarship, write to the William J Moore Foundation at Box 64, Cape May, NJ 08204.
Wildwood Crest Borough Commission meets tonight at 7 p.m. at Borough Hall, 6101 Pacific Ave. Crest Zoning Board meets at the same location on Tuesday, Feb. 21 at 7 p.m.
North Wildwood City Council meets Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. on the second floor of City Hall, 901 Atlantic Ave.
Wildwood Crest Board of Education meets Tuesday at 7 p.m. at Crest Memorial School, 9100 Atlantic Ave.
Greater Wildwood Improvement and Development Authority meets tomorrow at 6 p.m. in room 4 at the convention center.
Wildwood Planning Board meets Tuesday at 7 p.m. on the second floor of City Hall, 4400 New Jersey Ave.
Congratulations to January students of the month for Margaret Mace School, selected by their teachers for “relating well to classmates.”
Those selected include: Paige Fox, Michael Brown, Collin Swartz, Grace Fox (preschool); Audrey Cordero, Rachel Broadbent (kindergarten); Clay Collier, Alexandra Maschio (first grade); Anna Cawley, Taylor Verity (second); Salvatore Zampirri, Mia Kostka (third); Samantha Barrett, Zachary Swartz (fourth); Drue Sottnick, Patrick Connor, Jordan Montgomery, Grace Lederer (fifth).
Selected from the upper grades are: William Oakley, Dawn Kennedy (sixth); Nikki Cramer, Mark Handley, Anthony Deutsch, Breann McGovern (seventh); Tara Tolomeo, Joseph Rogowski, Kacy Wilber (eighth).
Story time continues for school age kids tomorrow at 1:30 p.m. at Wildwood Crest branch of the county library, 6301 Ocean Ave.
For information, call 522-0564.
Cape May County Emerald Society announces that its annual scholarships are open to all children and grandchildren of active or associate society members. Three scholarships will be awarded this year to seniors graduating from any of the county high schools.
Commemorative items associated with the fifth annual Polar Plunge for Andrew are now available.
Car magnets cost $5 with proceeds going to the scholarship fund established in Andrew Alameno’s name at Wildwood Catholic High School.
Andrew was one of the victims of the World Trade Center attack and the annual plunge event is not only a fund raising event for that scholarship, but a remembrance of all those lost in that tragedy.
Other items being sold include wristbands ($3). The items are being sold at the Crest Tavern, sponsors of the event.
The plunge is scheduled for Sat., March 4 at noon for the Jefferson Avenue beach in Wildwood Crest.
For more information, contact Lisa Fitzpatrick at 522-1200.
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