Oh dear. I’m sitting at my computer and it’s Monday morning-deadline for this column – and I haven’t written but these few words. I usually write it on Sunday and have it ready to go to press first thing. It’s not as though I was busy all weekend. In fact, I didn’t do much of anything, even though the weather was so beautiful, and I really should have done something outdoors, like take a walk on the beach or the boardwalk or ride my bike. (Yes, surprisingly I do own a bike that hangs from the ceiling in my garage and is never taken down. I figure it will last many years that way.) Where did the weekend go? I spent a few hours on Saturday taking my summer clothes out of storage and trying to figure out why I bothered to keep any of them. Half of them don’t fit and never have, but I hold onto them believing foolishly that someday I’ll be a size smaller. The other half, the things I could squeeze into, were a little the worse for wear. And speaking of clothes, I also spent lots of time on Sunday watching one of my favorite shows, “What Not to Wear,” on the TLC channel. It’s one of my guilty pleasures. I just love watching fashionistas Clinton and Stacy insulting their victim of the day as they throw out all of her clothes. Yesterday’s victim was a 44-year-old Irish step dancer named Nancy whose outfits, according to Clinton and Stacy, made her look like a marshmallow on toothpicks. So they threw the entire contents of her closet into the trashcan, advised her about what she should wear, and sent her shopping with a $5,000 line of credit. Clinton and Stacy watched Nancy on a hidden camera and criticized every choice she made. Now that’s entertainment. The only shows I like better are Lifetime movies. Doesn’t matter which one. They’re all the same. They’re always about a beautiful young woman who finds herself in terrible danger. Two handsome men try to help her. Inevitably, the one she trusts turns out to be the bad guy. Five minutes before it ends, there’s a frantic chase scene, the good guy is wounded and unconscious, while the woman shoots the man who’s trying to kill her. And, although she’s never fired a gun before, she hits him dead on. That’s my kind of movie, one that requires no concentration at all. In fact, I can leave the room, unpack some summer clothes, put in a load of wash, and return an hour later and not miss a beat. So you can see, I didn’t accomplish much this weekend. And so I don’t have anything to write about. I could write about things that are coming up like next weekend’s centennial celebration in North Wildwood. I’ll be there taking pictures at the Friday night block party on Olde New Jersey Avenue, and Saturday’s parade (What else? It’s North Wildwood, after all) and the community picnic on the beach at 15th Avenue. On Tuesday night the actual 100th anniversary will be marked with a ceremony at City Hall, including burying a time capsule to be opened on May 16, 2056. We’ll be covering the festivities to report on them in our new publication called On Deck due out next week. Whatever you do, don’t miss getting your Herald on May 17 so you can be among the well informed about everything our county has to offer in the way of special events, eateries, and the most interesting people. I’ve been so focused on preparing for the launch, that’s why I haven’t been doing much besides. And I just can’t think of anything to write in this column.
