OCEAN CITY – Nineteen-year-old Brianna Lynn Thomas remembers when the bullying began. She was 12 when she confided to a friend about her sexuality. At the time, she thought she was bisexual and word spread quickly through her school.
Students taunted her, claiming they were uncomfortable using the girls’ locker room with her nearby, for instance. School officials offered her separate spaces, she said, but she was bullied for being in a different location from the others.
The taunts, harassment and confrontations continued over five years, resulting in three failed suicide attempts, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, and eventually, a year of homeschooling to remove her from the contentious environment.
At 16, she left school and earned her general educational development (GED) certificate. Today, Thomas is one of several community members leading efforts to raise awareness of bullying and suicide prevention resources. One of her friends committed suicide in Ocean City last December; another Ocean City High School student did the same a few weeks ago.
“I’ve been through it,” she said, “and I have ideas on what could have helped me and my parents when we were going through it. It’s difficult to watch your child unravel and sometimes, it’s hard for parents to talk about it,” she said.
Thomas started a new Facebook page in September called Ocean City School District SAFE SPACE/NO BULLY PROJECT to give students a safe place to go and feel comfortable with what is going on in their lives. With over 700 members in a short time, Thomas said, “No one is alone. By sharing stories, we are empowering each other, changing lives and maybe even saving lives.
“I started SAFE SPACE/NO BULLY PROJECT to push change in the Ocean City School District, but what I’ve learned is that people are reaching out from all over looking for help, looking for resources,” she added. “We can do more.”
Tough Anti-Bullying Laws
New Jersey’s Anti-Bullying Law was one of the first of its kind when it was created in 2002. The New Jersey Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act extended the law when it took effect at the beginning of the 2011 school year and is now seen as one of the toughest anti-bullying laws in the U.S.
The bill provides a “strong and thorough” definition of bullying and requires all public schools to report all cases of bullying or teasing to the state Department of Education. Notification and investigation timelines are outlined and the law requires public schools to address bullying, requiring teachers and administrators to be trained to identify and respond to bullying incidents.
State law defines bullying, intimidation and harassment, including cyberbullying, on and off school grounds, as a single incident or a series of incidents that “substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the school or rights of other students.”
The law also attempts to ensure that public schools take steps to create a “positive” environment for students, designating an anti-bullying specialist and school safety team as part of the school’s staffing.
October has been designated National Bullying Prevention Month and the first week of October is designated “Week of Respect,” encouraging teachers to talk about intimidation and harassment and the effects of bullying.
“Most of our presentations against bullying are at the beginning of the school year,” said Detective Bryan Hamilton, Cape May County Prosecutor’s Office. “We may do 50 a year, to all types of groups: church groups, parent groups, students.”
Bullying can take all forms depending on a child’s age, he said. “With younger children, we talk about Internet safety. In middle school it’s a matter of respect so cyber-bullying becomes an issue. Kids really want to fit in. At the older level, the concern is sexting, sending and receiving sexually explicit messages primarily between mobile phones. The technology is changing so fast, we need to make sure we talk about the appropriate issues at each level.”
Hamilton’s goal is to get a child to “speak up and tell someone” if they are being bullied. His experience tells him that “Having your child tell an adult is not realistic.
“There is a delicate balance between doing the right thing and fitting in,” he explained. “’Fitting in’ does not mean running to your parent about a problem. So we are working to take some of that burden off by getting student leaders involved more: Student Council leaders, football team, people who are seen by their peers to be leaders.
“We are hoping that by involving the student leaders in a school, they will step in and protect other students,” Hamilton said. “From what I’ve read and studied, it’s more effective to stop bullying using other students who say ‘they will not stand for this’ and ‘it has to stop.’
“Parents need to talk with their children more often,” he continued. “We find a lot of parents feel they are being invasive if they check their child’s phone or devices, or ask for passwords. However, parents should know these things and check up on their child so they know what is going on. They can find out if their child is being bullied, or is bullying someone and then take action. Parents need to be the parent, not the friend of their child.”
When to involve the police in a bullying situation varies, according to Hamilton. “There is no clear line, so my advice is if something doesn’t feel right, or you feel a sense of danger, then you should consider involving the police. The dynamics change once the police are involved, but it’s important especially if you think someone may harm himself or another.”
A Lot More Pressure
“Kids are under a lot more pressure today,” noted Greg Speed, chief executive officer of Cape Counseling. “My children are 36 and 31 and my observation is that the pressures are different now.
“There are economic factors, such as both parents work or a parent working two jobs,” he explained. “There is so much pressure for children to succeed at school, to get into college, excel at sports. Children today want to belong and feel part of a group, and if they aren’t part of that ‘cool’ group, then they feel threatened or their self-esteem is lower.
“There also is a serious drug and alcohol abuse problem,” Speed said.
“Maybe we didn’t identify these issues before, maybe we were not sensitive to them as much as we are today,” he added. “Kids today have multiple issues, such as drug and alcohol abuse, or problems at home or school, they may be depressed, in an abusive situation….it’s just not one problem they are facing. Sometimes they just don’t know where to go for help, but there are many resources available.”
Speed started the center’s crisis program in 1981, and today the center serves about 5,000 families a year and provides 24-hour hotline coverage; clinical assessment, referral and linkage; consultation, training and technical assistance; referral to appropriate outpatient programs and community services and referral to inpatient care if necessary, and telephone screening.
They have joined with Lower Cape May Regional High School and the Cape May County Technical High School as part of their school-based staff to provide assistance with a variety of issues including mental health and drug and alcohol abuse.
They also just hired a full-time clinical social worker for the Ocean City School District to help students there. Their Traumatic Loss Coalition team is already at Ocean City High School helping staff, students and administrators work through the grieving process following the death of a second child in October.
“The key is developing a relationship with a student to be able to help provide the support they need,” Speed said. “We try to get to know the students and develop trusting relationships to help them deal with the problems and issues they bring us. Our staff has been trained significantly to help those who have been traumatized by bullying. We’ll talk with classes, individuals, parents, whomever we can about depression, positive self-image, developing positive self-esteem, bullying and other issues.
“Parents need to know there are resources available,” he added. “Sometimes there is a stigma associated with people asking for help, or people are unaware of our resources, but we can help with alcohol and drug abuse, behavioral issues, and other issues.”
Anyone calling the agency’s Access Line (465-4100) will be assessed: If someone is in crisis, they should go to the hospital. Cape Counseling has staff at Cape Regional Hospital where they have a behavioral health unit with five beds. Someone needing “urgent” care may be able to get an appointment within a couple days; an appointment for “routine” care takes three to four weeks according to Speed. “We are moving toward same day access,” he added.
“We never turn anyone away due to their inability to pay,” he said. Cape Counseling accepts all third-party insurances including Medicare and Medicaid, and provides a sliding pay scale for those in need.
Empowered Students
At Lower Cape May Regional High School, Peter Daly believes the anti-bullying law has had a positive effect on schools. The assistant principal, who serves as the district’s anti-bullying coordinator, said, “If you hear, see or witness bullying, then you need to report it. Students know this, and they are empowered because they understand that they do not have to take it; bullying is not a rite of passage.
“I think the law has had a very positive effect,” he added. “It has put everyone on notice. It won’t eliminate all harassment, but students know they are empowered to do something about it.”
As a freshman, students learn about the anti-bullying laws, whistleblower protection and consequences of their actions, Daly said.
“The number one thing is that students understand they do not have to take it; harassment or bullying is old thinking, it is not a rite of passage. Students know they shouldn’t be treated certain ways, and they know that the staff here wants to help. Students are taking an active role and coming forward because they trust we will do something about it. Our goal is to stop it.”
Once the school staff is notified of a potential bullying situation, including cyber-bullying, they follow the law to investigate and make a determination, Daly said. Parents are notified as well. If it is determined that bullying did occur, punishment varies depending on the offense – ranging from parent-child conferences to suspensions. “Our number one goal is to stop the behavior,” he reiterated.
Sometimes peer remediation is used and the district has partnered with Cape Counseling for assistance. “Harassment arises out of conflict,” Daly said. “Students need to learn that if they don’t like someone, they don’t need to be mean. They can act civilly and respectfully.”
Sometimes students sign a contract pledging to behave a certain way and engage in certain behaviors. “If the student puts something in writing, they learn that it means something,” Daly added. “If they go against it, it also means something.”
In cases of cyberbullying, parents are encouraged to monitor their child’s accounts. “In the last three or four years, everyone knows that all you need to do is a screen capture and you have evidence,” Daly said. “It would be helpful if parents monitored their child’s social media because that will cut down on any bullying that might be going on. The more involved a parent is, the less likely it is to happen.”
Once notified of a suspected cyber-bullying situation happening off school grounds, Daly said the school will assist parents in monitoring the child’s social media activity.
He also said the school monitors their technology “pretty tightly. Every student has an email account, which was new last year. One student sent an inappropriate joke last year, and we stopped it within 10 minutes. The students know we are monitoring things.”
With the introduction of more and more technology in schools, Daly believes students are learning to use “technology for what’s it designed for. I think it’s helping to decrease the negative behavior.”
Police are involved if safety becomes an issue, according to Daly, who noted “the goal of the law is to try and get schools to be pro-active. We don’t want things to escalate. Parents need to know what’s going on in their child’s lives, so we tell them. They may notify the police if they want, and they have the right to appeal.
“I encourage parents to get involved before it’s too late,” Daly said. “Talk to your kids, maintain a positive relationship with them. Find out what’s going on in their lives and let them know it’s OK to tell you.”
Spiritual Component
Because students at Wildwood Catholic High School hear about “kindness and social justice” throughout their Christian education, Sal Zuccarello, dean of students, said “A bully would really stick out here. Our students just don’t act like that.”
While the law covers public schools, Zuccarello said Wildwood Catholic modeled their anti-bullying policy on the state’s laws; their staff is trained to handle situations and counseling is available to students should the need arise.
There are 183 students enrolled in grades 9-12 and the topic is covered in religion classes and the safe environment program and assemblies.
Suicide prevention, including warning signs, is taught in health classes. However, Zuccarello cautioned that sometimes a student may not exhibit any signs of depression or wanting to commit suicide.
“Because we are able to add a spiritual component in our classes, we are able to teach our students that you never know how fragile someone can be,” he explained. “We are trying to establish a culture here that you need to be sensitive to what you say. You need to understand that because you are a teenager, there is a lot of change going on within your body and outside. Those changes can add to the chaos of what you are feeling and you need to be sensitive to others. ”
Need to Do More
Sometimes students use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate because they can’t talk to anyone at home or school, and Brianna Lynn Thomas understands. “I hope to raise awareness of these issues, and help show students there are a lot of resources available to help them. By sharing stories and struggles, it may also motivate someone to get information they need and keep going.”
“We live in a great place,” she noted. “I never want another student to go through what I went through. We just need to do more to help these young people who are struggling.”
Business of School
At Ocean City High School, Director of Student Services Matthew Carey said students are “back to the business of school” following the suicide of a fellow student in October. Carey serves as the district’s anti-bullying coordinator.
He said the district has developed and continues to refine “a responsible, multidimensional plan to raise awareness about mental health matters and to provide appropriate supports that are integrated with the learning environment of school.
“Additionally, Ocean City School Board is forming a Strategic Ad-Hoc Committee comprised of board members, administrators, staff, parents, community members, law enforcement agencies and public agencies,” Carey said. “This committee will work together to ensure consistency, collaboration and communication regarding teen mental health and wellness. We will have details following the School Board approval in November with the first meeting to be held in December.
“If you are interested in serving on this Committee, please contact my secretary, Scotty Keiluhn at 609-399-5150 or mkeiluhn@ocsdnj.org,” he added.
A panel presentation about teenage suicide will be held Nov. 3 in the high school Media Center.
To contact Karen Knight, email kknight@cmcherald.com.
Del Haven – Timothy Snyder, award winning historian, author, and professor, explains that destroying a country requires undermining five key zones: "health, law, administration, defense, and intelligence….
