Cousins Finally Meet

WILDWOOD – Two cousins who found out about each other less than a year ago met for the first time June 7 and described the meeting as “awesome, emotional and so wonderful.”
Heather Young, of Dallas, Texas, and Lisa Henry found each other after years of searching their ancestry. Their fathers are brothers, but were put up for adoption and didn’t know about each other, or about six other siblings. They are still searching for three brothers.
“We made a scene,” Henry admitted about their initial meeting. “Our visit went fantastically well.”
“It feels like we were separated at birth and just picked up from where we left off,” added Young. “It’s regrettable that the choices of our grandparents separated us, but it was so wonderful to finally meet.”
Their paternal grandmother, Mildred Gibbs, lived in Camden and had eight children, but only raised one, giving the others away or putting them up for adoption.
She was married to Howard Young, Alphonse Sontonastasi, and Mike Gross along the way.
While they know the whereabouts of five of the children, they are still looking for John Archer, who was born in 1953 in Cooper Hospital; Gene Vincent (Todd) Sontonastasi, who was born in 1950 at the Philadelphia Naval Hospital and Michael Joseph Gross, born in 1959 or 1960, but the hospital is unknown.
“We have found out that Alphonse died in 1983,” Young said. “We found a son in the United Kingdom and learned that Alphonse married a woman with six children. We don’t think he knew about Gene Vincent, because we think if a man marries a woman with six children, he would have raised his own son if he knew about him.”
Henry’s mother knew Gibbs, so Young was anxious to meet her and ask her about their grandmother. “We still have huge questions about Mildred and what is known about Mildred, so I was excited to be able to meet her as well,” she said.
Young said Henry’s mother, Trudy, was one of the first willing to talk to her and share impressions of her grandparents.
“She knew them,” Young said. “She was gentle with the hard information, but at the same time, told me the truth. My grandmother was a narcissist, and it’s probably better that she gave away her children.
“It was hard for her to tell me because she knew I wanted a fairy tale,” she admitted. “The story isn’t pretty, but there is a happy ending, I think.”
Young also met another cousin and second cousin. “We were able to FaceTime with my father so he could see his nieces and great-nieces and he was so happy to talk to them,” Young said. “He was recalling to them what he remembered from his childhood about New Jersey: The places he would go fishing in the summer, the place he lived with his adoptive parents.
“It’s amazing how close they all were in proximity, yet never knew he had brothers within miles of himself,” she noted. “I think we have all come to realize that Mildred did the right thing by putting her children up for adoption, even if we don’t necessarily agree with the way she did it.
“No formal adoption papers were ever filed in my father’s case; the two oldest were often in foster care,” Young added. “My father is nearly 70-years-old now, and I don’t think he ever thought he would know the reasons behind his adoption or the names of the family that gave him away. In a way, it’s closure for him.
“At least he knows that it was for his benefit and even though he wasn’t able to grow up and grow older with his siblings, they and their children do have love for him and for me. We will continue our search for our missing uncles, and hopefully, one day, be able to show them the love we have for them, as a family united,” she said.
For Henry, who admitted she is “shy” and was “very nervous” about meeting Young, the actual meeting was “so perfect. My nervousness and shyness just melted away,” she said. “I just wanted a hug.”
It was Young’s first trip to the Jersey Shore, which she called “idyllic. I’ve been to beaches all over the world, and this is the cleanest and biggest beach I’ve ever seen,” she said about the Wildwood beaches.
“There’s a special feeling here at the Wildwoods,” she added, “it feels all-American. It’s just idyllic.”
Young planned the trip with her boyfriend, who wanted to attend The Race of Gentlemen, a multi-day celebration that pays tribute to the early days of racing. Purpose-built pre- and post-World War II vehicles flood the beaches and battle the tide during this mechanical commemoration.
“Even though I’m a local, I had never been to the race,” noted Henry. “Unfortunately, the weather didn’t cooperate, but we still had a great time.”
The women also did other touristy things, like riding the Wildwood tram and Ferris wheel, walking the boardwalk, eating pizza, enjoying a family barbecue and visiting some of the local eateries.
“I also took one for the team,” joked Young, “and ate all the fudge I could.”
Young also went by the house in Camden where her grandmother was raised and the home of her great-grandparents. Although she didn’t stop because it was “beyond her comfort level,” she did make a video for her dad.
“The place you live, the things you have, the beginnings of your life do not define you,” Young stressed. “They are only an experience from which you build the life that you want.”
After spending five days at the shore, Young said she is already planning her next trip. “It’s such a wonderland,” she said.
Young also said she considers herself “very lucky” to have had such a wonderful experience. “I found a family that is welcoming and loving and amazing, and their story is challenging, but they still welcomed me without prejudice.
“I don’t know if everyone would be as lucky as I, but I encourage anyone who wants to know about their biological family to do it because maybe they’ll find some semblance of what I did,” she said.
“It’s so awesome to meet my cousin,” Henry added. “It’s been a great experience. We were trying to make up for lost time. This is a bond we don’t want to have broken.”
Anyone who may have information on the missing brothers may email findmyuncles@gmail.com or Facebook (FindMyUncles).
To contact Karen Knight, email kknight@cmcherald.com.