Auntie Neat

By RAY LEWIS
Auntie Neat is the inspector of all the toys made at Santa’s North Pole workshop. Every doll, every truck, every whatzee and theewit are flipped, turned, examined and examined again before OKed. They are then sent off to be boxed, wrapped and readied for a Christmas Eve sleigh ride. She is happy knowing that on Christmas morning, others will be happy too.
Though busy at her work, Auntie Neat always gives a few minutes of every hour to safety. She will walk about urging the elves to help clear floors for walking and makes sure tables are free of clutter. Sometimes, she will sprinkle her suggestions with made up slogans such as “Stop Hazards,” “Better Safe Than Sorry,” and her favorite, “If You Give A Hazard A Chance, It Will Give You A Hurt.”
Recently, Santa became aware of Auntie Neat’s commitment to safety. He asked her to encourage young people to be more safety conscious. According to letters Santa receives, each year, more and more children at Christmas are hurting their toes and fingers, sometimes even knees and elbows by walking into toys, boxes and shoes lying around on the floor of their room.
To fulfill Santa’s request, she created “Auntie Neat’s Safety Ready Club.” Young persons between the age of 2 and 9 are invited to join as long as their parents permit it. If you wish to enroll, here is the way to do so.
To begin, print your first name (neatly, of course) on a piece of paper. Below your name, write these words: Safety is important to me. I want to be a member of Auntie Neat’s Safety Ready Club.
Next, when nighttime comes, with a grown up beside you, stand three steps from a window. With your application facing the sky, count from one to 10 slowly. This gives Auntie Neat’s Scout Stars time to detect your application. Once it is brought into clear focus, your name will be photo-lifted and sent flash relay to Santa Claus’s map room at the North Pole. There, it will be light applied to an unmarked wall in magnified letters.
Within minutes, Tim the printer will be bent over his workbench, carefully applying your name across the rim of a new silver bell, using a night visible liquid called Midnight Ink.
After the letters have all dried, Tim will notify Auntie Neat. Together, they will pin your bell to the spot on Santa’s map, showing the location of your home.
A double ringing of the bell will follow. This is a call to everyone in the workshop to halt their tasks, put down their tools, lay aside what material they hold and bring themselves to the room of Mars. When all have gathered, with their thoughts and faces turned to the bell, they will join voices to express their wish for you: “We wish you a Christmas heart – a heart of cheer and charity where smiles receive their sweetness and kind deeds begin their sprout; where forgive and fair, care and share do freely walk about!”
Ray Lewis writes from Corbin City.